Let's stop assuming that girls only exercise to lose weight

"Oh, but you don't need to lose weight", "How much have you lost so far?", "I need to start dieting too" - these are by far the most common responses I receive after telling someone I go to the gym. Well meaning as they are, all they ever do is make me wonder why it's assumed that women only work out for one reason - to lose weight. Interestingly, the next thing that occurs to me is how no-one would say these things to a man in the same position; after all, there are a whole host of reasons why men go to the gym!

So why is this approach not extended to women? To me, the gym has never been about losing weight, or being on a diet. Actually, that's not true; at one point it was totally about that, and I hated it. Going to the gym for me is first and foremost about mental resilience and stress-relief. Equally, I love feeling strong and capable - going to the gym makes me feel as though I can conquer the world. It's not about what I can lose, it's about what I can gain.

Let's get this straight, if you exercise because you want to lose weight, that's great; if that's your goal then power to you. My issue is simply that there seems to be an assumption in society that women exercise for no other reason. Similarly, the amount of comments I've received about the type of workout I choose to do is unbelievable. It's usually along the lines of "but lifting weights will only make you too muscly" or "why don't you try *insert 'feminine' exercise here*, it's doing weight training that's making you bigger." First of all, what if I actually want to be strong and muscly? Secondly, I'm bigger than I used to be because I love food and hate diets, not because I lift moderate weights 3 times a week. Thirdly, mind your own business! 

As a society, we need to move away from this idea that if women go to the gym, they should be running on a treadmill for an hour because our goal is obviously to lose weight. And god forbid we pick up a dumbbell, because we'll be massive in the blink of an eye and that is SO unfeminine! Let's respect and motivate one another, rather than accidentally tearing people down with our 'helpful hints'. Girls, whether your goal is to be strong, to lose weight, to gain mental clarity or anything else, you do you. As long as your chosen exercise (whatever it may be) is making you happy, there's no reason to feel like you're doing it wrong, no matter what anyone says.

How to make going to the gym a habit

Seen as this month marks a year since I joined the gym, I thought this would be a fitting post. The fact that it's been a whole year (YEAR!!) really has got me thinking about what was different this time round. I'd tried getting into exercise countless times before, but never stuck it out. It's so easy to get caught in the trap of having all this motivation, spending months planning how you're going to join the gym. Next thing you know you've done 1 or 2 sessions, realised you don't have abs yet and are beginning to feel that motivation fade. I've been there more times than I count! In this year, however, I've picked up a few little tricks on how to keep that drive to succeed fresh. Here are a few of those sneaky little lessons - I really hope they can be of help to someone out there!

1. Get a membership

Twice I have fallen into the "I won't get a membership to start with" trap. Yes, in theory, not committing to paying a lump sum before you're sure you'll use it makes perfect sense. It does, however, make you less likely to stick at it. Firstly, if you know that every time you go to the gym, you have to physically rake 5 or 6 pounds out your pocket, the idea suddenly becomes less appealing (as if it wasn't hard enough already). Even though with a membership you're still technically paying, it's easier than literally forking out cash every time you visit the gym. Secondly, paying on the door can make you feel like you have to spend ages there in order to get your 'money's worth'. If you have a membership, you can say to yourself "OK, I'll just go for half an hour" and not feel bad for it, whereas if you're using pay as you go, you're way more likely to just bail altogether.

2. Start slowly

There's no need to go in and do Tammy Hembrow style workouts immediately! In the beginning, making the gym part of your routine is hard, and there's no shame whatsoever in easing yourself into it. When I started out, the first few weeks were all about motivating myself to actually turn up, trying out different things and finding out what I enjoyed. Don't beat yourself up for allowing time to just give things a go before going for the challenging, structured workouts.

3. Know there's no need to feel intimidated

When I first joined the gym, I was terrified; the thought of exercising in front of others filled me with what can only be described as pure dread. I was scared that people would look at me and judge me for only being able to lift the small weights, and I wouldn't try any new machines in case I made a fool of myself. It's OK to feel like this at the start; stepping out of your comfort zone isn't easy, but you'll soon begin to realise that nobody actually cares what you're doing, just as you don't care what they're doing. Everyone is there for their own reasons, and nobody is going to care or judge you if you mess something up. In my year at the gym, I've seen people helping each other out countless times - it's no big deal and there certainly isn't any judgement involved. This girl who a year ago was scared to even move in the gym is now the one you'll see smashing out sumo squats in the middle of the floor (not such a dignified sight, but who even cares? No-one!)

4. Focus on how you feel

It's easy to get caught up in the physical results, but I really do think this often does more harm than good. Physical results are slow, but the mental benefits can be felt almost immediately. Focusing on how going to the gym makes you feel, and realising the power of these benefits is so much more motivational than getting hung up on physical qualities. Treating the gym as somewhere to go to make you feel great is truly the best way forward, and any physical changes are just a pleasant side effect.

5. Don't sweat the details

Hands up who has ever missed a day or week at the gym and given up there and then, taking it as a sign of failure? I've certainly done this many a time. The truth is, though, that missing a week at the gym doesn't matter, it's how you decide to interpret it that does. Sticking to a strict routine isn't what will make you succeed in getting fit, it's the resilience to keep going even if things don't always go to plan. Yes, I occasionally miss a week in the gym - life happens. Sometimes you're just too busy, or you simply feel demotivated or under the weather. It doesn't matter! What matters is picking yourself up and going again. I have skipped plenty of workouts, yet their effect on my fitness is negligible. If, however, I'd used this as an excuse to give up completely, I'd be right back to square one. Alternatively, if some days you don't feel like going but want to try, just go for half an hour or so - what matters is that you went and you did something. We all have bad days, and teaching yourself that it's actually fine is incredibly liberating.

6. Find your niche

I HATE cardio. Always have done, always will do. At school, I hated PE. I was also shit at PE. This led me to believe that I hated exercise, which was far from the truth. Had I not sheepishly ventured into that weights section, there's no way I would have stuck at the gym. I just can't deal with the burning throat, the feeling sick before I'm even tired, and the dreaded jiggling that comes with cardio. It makes me feel unfit and downright crappy. Lifting weights and using resistance machines, however, makes me feel powerful - like I can conquer the world. Yes, it's hard work, but it's a different kind of hard work than cardio; a kind I really enjoy. Consequently, my routines contain minimal cardio, for no other reason than because I don't like it. It's all about finding something that makes you feel empowered and strong, rather than just sticking to what you know and hate.

7. Plan ahead

Having a super-strict routine doesn't work for everyone. What I like to do is plan when I'm getting my workouts in week by week, rather than having a set day for each thing without fail. I tend to get my diary out on a Sunday and figure out what I've got planned during the week, before deciding when to fit the gym in. This way, you can set time aside for the gym on the days which you don't have much planned for. Pre-planning is one of the best ways to ensure you don't miss a workout due to being too busy.

Why body confidence has nothing to do with the way you look

As a young teenager I, like so many, would constantly critique the way I looked. More to the point, I would obsess over other people's traits and how I wanted to look like them. Every day was, "I wish I had her curves" or "Why can't I have hair like that?" At this time, I viewed almost all aspects of life from a "why is the world so against me?" perspective, and my body image was certainly no exception. Everything was so unfair.

It took me years to realise why my opinion of my own body never improved. Everything I tried was to look better; I wore makeup to look less 'plain', I changed my haircut to try to look like someone else, and the amount of times I VOWED to 'eat healthier and exercise'. Of course, it never panned out that way. I expected to go out for a run, eat an apple and suddenly be this motivated, fit, gorgeous person. Looking back, the failure was inevitable, because no amount of exercise, make-up or veg can make you into a different person. Each time my efforts appeared to be in vain, I looked at things from the same perspective; "why me", "it is actually impossible for me to exercise", "why is it so easy for everybody else?" It was a completely toxic way of thinking.

Realising my mistake was a slow and indirect process, which came about when I joined the gym (for the third time) in October of last year. Readying myself for the worst months of SAD*, I was adamant it wasn't going to get the best of me this time. Over the years I had learnt the most powerful tool for me mentally is to take good care of my all-round health. To my surprise, for the first time ever, I found committing to the gym relatively easy. For a while I couldn't figure out why, but eventually realised it was because - in contrast to every previous attempt - I was adopting healthier habits to feel better, rather than to look different. And there was another unexpected side effect; my body confidence began to soar. At first I thought this was odd, seen as I didn't look drastically different from when I started out.

However it eventually dawned on me that I had begun to see my body as something strong, powerful and capable. My body was no longer something to be looked at and judged, but something with a purpose and a job. That job is keeping me healthy. In time, I realised that all of my past insecurities are really nothing to worry about at all. For example, I used to get so hung up on my shoulders being wide and a bit out of proportion. Now my perspective has totally changed; it dawned on me that despite having quite a big chest considering my 5'2 frame, I have never suffered with back pain as a result. Having broader, strong shoulders has almost certainly helped with this. This simple shift towards realising that your unique features are about much more than the way they look, is so empowering. Just think for a second about all our bodies do for us; if we get a cut, a sprain, or an illness, our body immediately gets to work to try to heal us. It really is all about perspective, and viewing your body as something functional rather than aesthetic, something to work with rather than against, can strangely make you so much happier with it all round. Not at a certain size or shape or weight, but however it happens to look when it is helping you to feel happy, healthy and strong.

*Seasonal Affective Disorder

How I transformed my mental health with exercise

To say I was never the sporty type would be an understatement. At school I had an immense hatred of PE - particularly team games because quite frankly, I was shit. When I think of PE lessons the first things that pop into my mind are 1) being physically pushed around the cross country course by a teacher in the pouring rain and 2) being belted in the stomach by a football whilst in the midst of soul destroying cramps. Fun times.

Unfortunately for many years, I mistook my dislike of PE as a dislike of exercise. Sure, there were times when I did decide I was going to get fit; going to the gym, starting running, or doing workout DVDs, whatever the latest 'thing' was. I often worked myself up and got really motivated; exercising every day of the week, but each time I'd give up within a month or less. I'd always get really down on myself, wondering why exercise was SO much harder for me than everyone else. Of course in reality, it wasn't - I just had a shitty attitude towards it. Whilst I was in the midst of depression, exercise became this vicious cycle - just as everything in my life seemed to become. I'd get a spark of motivation, spend ages 'working myself up to it', and then either end up not doing it at all or sticking at it for a few weeks before giving up.

Looking back now, I realise why my efforts always failed; I was exercising for all the wrong reasons. I wasn't doing it for myself; I wanted to get fit because I wanted to look 'better', I wanted people to like me more and I wanted to stand out in a world where I felt very small. Exercise was simply something I felt I had to do in order to be more attractive, and I hoped it would make me feel noticed and loved. As a young teenager, I think it's easy to fall into this trap. I was also fixated on getting visible results, and getting them quickly. Now of course, I realise that all those promises of 'transforming your body in 30 days' are complete rubbish. The real changes come when you have realistic expectations, and work to change your lifestyle, not just your body.

After a good 5 years of being stuck in this energy-draining cycle, I decided to take control. At 18 I was much more self-aware, as well as less reliant on the views of others. I'd read so much about how exercise can be hugely beneficial to mental health and, as someone who'd been on the roller coaster of depression and SAD since a very young age, I decided enough was enough - I needed to give this a good try.

It wasn't plain sailing to start with; after purchasing my gym membership I found myself really nervous. It took me a good while to start feeling comfortable exercising in front of other people and I was terrified of making a fool of myself. I was also pretty clueless on what to do, sort of drifting around doing everything that didn't make me feel self-conscious. This was quite draining and the usual feelings of 'I'm not getting anywhere', or 'I'm never going to be good at this' started creeping back. However I knew that this time I just had to push through - there was no way I was going to give up for the millionth time.

I started doing some research, and although to begin with it all felt quite overwhelming, I was surprised to notice that I was actually making some progress. Over the weeks and months, I structured my own routines and adapted them whenever it felt necessary. After those tough first few weeks, I found myself enjoying and even looking forward to those 3 or 4 gym sessions each week; they were fast becoming my little escape from the stresses of life. I find now that even the drive there and back feels like part of that me-time; 30 minutes alone with your thoughts can be incredibly therapeutic.

Eventually I started seeing some changes in my body, but the more prominent changes were in my mind. My head felt so much clearer, and it showed. I went from getting Us and Es at college to getting As across the board - I almost fully credit exercise for this. As well as the clearer head, going to the gym was giving me the energy I needed to work harder at college. Energy is certainly not something that comes easily to me; the first thing I notice when my mental health starts declining is tiredness. Furthermore, the small changes in my body started benefitting me mentally as well; I've become much more body confident. The process of seeing muscles slowly forming, and my body shaping the way I want it to is so empowering. Mental illness can cause you to feel as though you have no control over yourself, so to actually be able to look at my reflection in the mirror and say 'you know what, I can do whatever I want' feels amazing. There's truly nothing like the feeling of watching yourself lifting a heavier weight; knowing that you're physically strong certainly has a knock-on effect on your mental strength.

In no way am I trying to suggest that exercise alone is enough to 'cure' a mental illness, because of course it's not that simple. I still take medication to give me a helping hand, and I still have my down days. However, exercising has hands down been the smartest decision of my life. I now feel more balanced and healthy than I ever have done, and I can't imagine going back to a life without my workouts. In the past, I was incredibly sceptical about whether exercise could ever be as magical as people said it was, but I can firmly say I've proven to myself that it can be. It has transformed me completely in mind and is steadily transforming my body, too. Despite the fact that one size doesn't fit all as far as what works, I strongly believe that exercising, (as long as you're doing it for the right reasons), has the power to turn lives around completely.