National Stress Awareness Day - My top 5 stress-busting techniques

Today's post is a day early, but seen as it's national stress awareness day, I thought this would be fitting. Each and every one of us is affected by stress from time to time; some more than others, yes, but we all know the feeling. As we mature and get to know ourselves better, we become more in tune to both our personal triggers, and to which coping mechanisms work best for us. This week, I thought it would be nice to really think about what works for me, and pass on some of my own stress-busting ideas. So without further ado, here are my top 5 coping mechanisms for when life seems a bit too overwhelming.

1. Lists

For me, lists are a complete life-saver. Admittedly I'm a bit of an organisation freak, but there's something about having a good to-do list that really calms me down. When I have all these tasks swirling around in my head, I find I'm using half of my energy just thinking about what I need to do, leaving no headspace to deal with actually doing them. By writing everything down instead of using your brain as your notepad, it's surprising how much more manageable it all seems. Once you have a list, it's as simple as working through it one by one, without simultaneously thinking about what you have to do next. Mono-tasking is the way forward people!

2. Ten minute rule

I used to be a person who was regularly late for events, despite lateness being something I really hate. I just couldn't understand why I would always set off 'on time' yet still not manage to actually be on time. Nowadays I always apply my 'ten minute rule' if possible; always think about how long it will take you to get somewhere, and aim to set off ten minutes earlier. This 10 minute buffer allows time for the 'little things' we don't think about, but that end up eating our time, for example locking the door, getting the car off the drive or putting our shoes on. For me, there's nothing more stressful than being unpunctual, hence why I find this technique so helpful.

3. De-clutter

Recently I read Marie Kondo's famous book 'The life changing magic of tidying' and it has, as promised, changed my life. Living in a family home, it's unrealistic for me to totally de-clutter the entire house, but clearing out my room has had such a positive effect on my stress levels. It's so lovely to have my own space which I enjoy spending time in. Even silly little things like folding my clothes differently so they're easier to see has a calming effect; seemingly insignificant daily tasks like getting dressed become so much easier. I'm really all about the little things; we tend to dismiss them, believing they're not big enough to have an effect on our stress levels but when they're all added up, they often have more of an impact than anything else. On a side note, I would highly recommend Marie Kondo's book, it's a really enjoyable read, especially for my fellow organisation geeks out there.

4. Get the right amount of sleep for you

I will never stop preaching the power of sleep, as it literally affects every aspect of our lives and health. Notice I haven't tried to specify an ideal number of hours; this is because it varies hugely from person to person. Some people need very little sleep in order to function properly, whereas others need a lot more. What's right for you is something you need to figure out yourself; both too little and too much sleep can have a negative effect on the mind and body, subsequently increasing stress levels. Personally, my ideal is 8-10 hours per night, which might seem quite a lot. I find that if I have less than 8 hours, I struggle to get out of bed and tend to need a nap in the afternoon. On the flipside if I sleep for too long, I feel groggy, headachy and lack energy throughout the day. Finding the right amount of sleep for you and sticking to that whenever possible is a really useful stress-busting tool.

5. Deal with things now

This is something I didn't learn until quite recently. When we're feeling stressed or under pressure, the easiest thing to do is sweep things under the carpet and bury our heads in the sand. The only problem is, the things we need to deal with then only become more urgent, whilst additional tasks come up in the meantime. As those deadlines become nearer and the unread emails pile up, it only makes us more stressed, which can lead to a vicious cycle. Put an end to that cycle today; make an action plan and actually do it, sort through your emails and from now on as soon as something needs doing, do it immediately. Your head will feel much clearer for it.

Stress management truly is so important for our productivity, but more importantly for our physical and mental health. I really hope these ideas can be of some use - they certainly have been for me. Furthermore, if anyone has any of their own stress-busting techniques, I'd love to hear them; I'm always open to new ideas, so the more the better!

SAD: The mental illness nobody talks about

It's estimated that 1 in 15 people in the UK suffer from it[1], but how often do we hear about Seasonal Affective Disorder, also know as SAD? Until I was diagnosed with it myself, I admittedly knew very little about the illness. I'd spent a lot of my life thinking I just had to live with becoming a completely different person in Winter. Sure, I'd heard about the 'winter blues' but it never seemed to be portrayed as a serious issue. Finding out I had SAD was actually a huge relief; I think it's comforting being able to put a name to something that's kind of hard to put into words. I guess it's nice to know that what your experiencing isn't completely abnormal, and is totally valid and real. After many years of navigating this disorder, I've learnt a lot; from the facts and science behind it, to the best ways of managing it. I thought it would be nice to share some of my personal coping mechanisms. I think a lot of people probably suffer from the 'Winter Blues' on some level, so perhaps some of these strategies could be of help.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a form of depression which usually occurs between the months of September and April (although this varies from person to person), and is caused by the shorter daylight hours in Winter. Simply put, SAD is caused primarily by the brain producing too much Melatonin - a chemical which is produced in the dark, making us feel tired and ready to sleep. In theory, it's very useful, but too much can be problematic and lead to symptoms such as low mood, tiredness, difficulty concentrating, lowered immune system and sleeping problems. It can also cause a sudden lift in mood and bursts of hypo-mania (over-activity) in Spring[2]. Seen as it's around the time of year when SAD tends to set in, I reckon it's a perfect time to share a few little tricks that could help alleviate these symptoms.

1. Get outdoors

As I mentioned earlier, SAD is basically caused by the lack of daylight in the Winter months. Getting outside for a walk or something similar can help in two ways. Firstly, outside light from the sun is way more powerful than indoor lights, even on a murky day. Secondly, if going outside involves some exercise as well, endorphin levels will increase, boosting the feel good factor even more.

2. SAD lamp

Although getting outdoors more often should be beneficial, it may not always be enough. If this is the case, light therapy may be an option. Medically certified light therapy lamps produce artificial sunlight, and when used for 30 minutes early in the morning and 30 minutes at night (or whatever your GP advises) they can make a real difference. They essentially fool the brain into thinking the days are longer. It's about this time of year I start using my lamp, and in previous years I've found it really effective in reducing symptoms.

3. Schedule some me time

It's so important to set time aside every day to look after yourself, or to do something you enjoy. It could be as simple as having a long bath or reading a chapter of a book - anything that nurtures your soul. Looking after yourself is not selfish, it's a necessity.

4. Get moving

I can't stress enough the power of exercise when it comes to mental health care. I'm certainly not trying to suggest that exercise alone can 'cure' a mental illness, but I know from experience it can be a really useful tool. As I mentioned earlier, exercise increases endorphin levels, subsequently improving your mood - and the good news is you don't need tons of exercise to feel the benefits. If working out isn't really your thing, something as simple as a few short walks per week could well be enough to feel some improvements.

5. Take care of the little things

This might seem like a strange one, but I honestly find that the little things really add up and end up having such an impact on my state of mind. Especially if you're not feeling so good, small things like keeping your room tidy, looking after your skin or wearing an outfit you feel good in can make such a difference.

6. Make time for sleep

We've all heard it a million times, but there's so many reasons why. Sleep is great for pretty much every aspect of health, and mental health is no exception. Having battled with insomnia for a few years, I know this all too well and now value sleep enormously. A good snooze every night allows the body to repair itself, and the mind to process information (dreams are more productive than you may think!). Exactly how much sleep we need varies from person to person, but once you start paying more attention to your sleep routine, your body will soon tell you the answer to that.

7. Be gentle with yourself

If you do find things harder during the winter months, one of the best things you can do is to be gentle with yourself. Remember that it's not your fault you feel this way, make yourself a plan of action and simply do you best. This is all you can ever do and all anyone else can ask of you. Remember to put yourself first and prioritise your own needs, especially when things are tough.

8. Visit the GP

Lastly, but most importantly, if you suspect something may be wrong, go to your GP for advice. The tips I'm giving here are purely things I've learnt through my own experiences, and certainly won't apply to everyone. I'm not a professional, just someone sharing her own ideas and hoping they might be of help to someone else. Reaching out to someone qualified to provide the right sort of help is the best thing you can do. If going to a GP is too daunting to begin with, maybe start by speaking to a friend or family member, or contacting one of the helplines listed on the Mental Health helplines NHS page.


[1] Mental Health Foundation. (2017). Seasonal affective disorder (SAD). [online] Available at: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/s/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad [Accessed 9 Mar. 2017].

[2] The Seasonal Affective Disorder Assosciation. 2016. Symptoms. [ONLINE] Available at: http://www.sada.org.uk/symptoms_2.php. [Accessed 9 March 2017].

An insomiac's guide to sleeping soundly

Sleep - love it or loathe it, it's way more important than we tend to think. For some of us, a restful night's snoozing comes naturally, but for others it can feel like a minefield. Recently, whilst reading a Women's Health article on 'clean sleep', I was inspired to start paying more attention to my own habits.

As someone who has dealt with insomnia in the past, I know all too well how important sleep really is. It's definitely one of those things that you only realise are important when they're gone. Back when my sleeping problems were at their worst, I did a great deal of research into how to deal with the issue, and eventually did manage to improve my sleep quality massively. It took time and effort, but through the methods that follow, I went from getting around 4 hours of sleep (on a good day) to peacefully sleeping for 7 or more hours most nights. I've listed my methods in reverse order of their usefulness (in my opinion), so if you want to try a few but not all of them, I'd start with the ones at the bottom.

5. Self-hypnosis

Ok, I'll admit this does seem a bit out-there, and a few years ago I would've laughed at this suggestion too. Having said that, a few years ago I didn't really understand hypnosis. Ultimately, despite its connotations, hypnosis is not much more than a very deep state of relaxation. Whilst having hypnotherapy for a phobia, I was taught how to carry out self-hypnosis, and to this day it remains my tool of choice when I'm either very stressed or struggling to sleep. I would really recommend going in with an open mind and researching this further if you're having issues with with relaxation.

4. Prepare for the morning

If there's one thing that's bound to make sleeping more difficult, it's worrying about the million things you need to do in the morning. I find it so useful to make sure I'm fully prepared in advance. I'm not a morning person at all, so as well as aiding my sleep, it makes for a much less stressful morning. Make a list of the things you tend to worry about most in the mornings; this could be what to wear, what to have for breakfast or things to remember for work. Try to prepare as much as possible before going to sleep - write reminders, prepare breakfast in advance etc.

3. Bath/shower at night

Whether it's best to shower in the morning or at night has always been up for debate. Of course, there's arguments for each side, however if you're a troublesome sleeper I would argue the night-time option is more beneficial. Personally, a relaxing bath before bed really settles me down and prepares me for sleep. I always prefer a bath, but I don't think the method is actually that important, just go for whichever suits you. It's definitely the act of washing off the day and feeling fresh before bed that helps me snooze more soundly.

2. Declutter

The space in which you sleep is way more important than you may realise. For me at least, messy room = messy mind, 100%. It's quite a hard thing to describe, but it's as though all that clutter in the room represents the jumble of thoughts in my mind. Linking in to point 4, clutter can also cause stress more practically; you're more likely to be kept awake worrying where something is if your space isn't organised.

1. Technology cleanse

If I had to choose which technique alone is best when it comes to getting more quality sleep, I would go for this one every time. As far as I'm concerned, technology (especially social media) before bed is almost always a terrible idea. There's loads of opinions out there on exactly how long before bed you should put the tech down, but I try to stick to an hour, or even half an hour; I think this is an effective yet doable time-scale.

In conjunction with these methods, try to keep your sleep schedule pretty regular. It's also really useful to figure out roughly how many hours of sleep you need per night; both too little and too much can have a detrimental effect. Hopefully some of these methods can be useful, but remember that if you're really struggling with you sleeping it's important to go to your GP. Problems with sleep aren't always, but can be a result of an underlying condition like depression or anxiety.

Sweet dreams!

How I transformed my mental health with exercise

To say I was never the sporty type would be an understatement. At school I had an immense hatred of PE - particularly team games because quite frankly, I was shit. When I think of PE lessons the first things that pop into my mind are 1) being physically pushed around the cross country course by a teacher in the pouring rain and 2) being belted in the stomach by a football whilst in the midst of soul destroying cramps. Fun times.

Unfortunately for many years, I mistook my dislike of PE as a dislike of exercise. Sure, there were times when I did decide I was going to get fit; going to the gym, starting running, or doing workout DVDs, whatever the latest 'thing' was. I often worked myself up and got really motivated; exercising every day of the week, but each time I'd give up within a month or less. I'd always get really down on myself, wondering why exercise was SO much harder for me than everyone else. Of course in reality, it wasn't - I just had a shitty attitude towards it. Whilst I was in the midst of depression, exercise became this vicious cycle - just as everything in my life seemed to become. I'd get a spark of motivation, spend ages 'working myself up to it', and then either end up not doing it at all or sticking at it for a few weeks before giving up.

Looking back now, I realise why my efforts always failed; I was exercising for all the wrong reasons. I wasn't doing it for myself; I wanted to get fit because I wanted to look 'better', I wanted people to like me more and I wanted to stand out in a world where I felt very small. Exercise was simply something I felt I had to do in order to be more attractive, and I hoped it would make me feel noticed and loved. As a young teenager, I think it's easy to fall into this trap. I was also fixated on getting visible results, and getting them quickly. Now of course, I realise that all those promises of 'transforming your body in 30 days' are complete rubbish. The real changes come when you have realistic expectations, and work to change your lifestyle, not just your body.

After a good 5 years of being stuck in this energy-draining cycle, I decided to take control. At 18 I was much more self-aware, as well as less reliant on the views of others. I'd read so much about how exercise can be hugely beneficial to mental health and, as someone who'd been on the roller coaster of depression and SAD since a very young age, I decided enough was enough - I needed to give this a good try.

It wasn't plain sailing to start with; after purchasing my gym membership I found myself really nervous. It took me a good while to start feeling comfortable exercising in front of other people and I was terrified of making a fool of myself. I was also pretty clueless on what to do, sort of drifting around doing everything that didn't make me feel self-conscious. This was quite draining and the usual feelings of 'I'm not getting anywhere', or 'I'm never going to be good at this' started creeping back. However I knew that this time I just had to push through - there was no way I was going to give up for the millionth time.

I started doing some research, and although to begin with it all felt quite overwhelming, I was surprised to notice that I was actually making some progress. Over the weeks and months, I structured my own routines and adapted them whenever it felt necessary. After those tough first few weeks, I found myself enjoying and even looking forward to those 3 or 4 gym sessions each week; they were fast becoming my little escape from the stresses of life. I find now that even the drive there and back feels like part of that me-time; 30 minutes alone with your thoughts can be incredibly therapeutic.

Eventually I started seeing some changes in my body, but the more prominent changes were in my mind. My head felt so much clearer, and it showed. I went from getting Us and Es at college to getting As across the board - I almost fully credit exercise for this. As well as the clearer head, going to the gym was giving me the energy I needed to work harder at college. Energy is certainly not something that comes easily to me; the first thing I notice when my mental health starts declining is tiredness. Furthermore, the small changes in my body started benefitting me mentally as well; I've become much more body confident. The process of seeing muscles slowly forming, and my body shaping the way I want it to is so empowering. Mental illness can cause you to feel as though you have no control over yourself, so to actually be able to look at my reflection in the mirror and say 'you know what, I can do whatever I want' feels amazing. There's truly nothing like the feeling of watching yourself lifting a heavier weight; knowing that you're physically strong certainly has a knock-on effect on your mental strength.

In no way am I trying to suggest that exercise alone is enough to 'cure' a mental illness, because of course it's not that simple. I still take medication to give me a helping hand, and I still have my down days. However, exercising has hands down been the smartest decision of my life. I now feel more balanced and healthy than I ever have done, and I can't imagine going back to a life without my workouts. In the past, I was incredibly sceptical about whether exercise could ever be as magical as people said it was, but I can firmly say I've proven to myself that it can be. It has transformed me completely in mind and is steadily transforming my body, too. Despite the fact that one size doesn't fit all as far as what works, I strongly believe that exercising, (as long as you're doing it for the right reasons), has the power to turn lives around completely.

Hypnosis: My experience

Anyone who knows me well enough will be aware of my fear of planes; with my biggest phobias being heights and  confined spaces I guess it's understandable. Strangely I haven't always had this fear, however when all my anxiety issues started, it slowly became more and more of a problem. Ultimately, I became so scared of both flying and simply being out of the country that I felt there was no way I could set foot on a plane.

As a family who regularly went on holidays together, it was a huge problem. In the stage where I could still force myself to go, I felt awful the entire time - just incredibly anxious. One of the last holidays I went on was to Tenerife; I really wanted to enjoy it but it was so difficult. I knew that all of the anxiety stemmed from the flying, but it seemed to plague me constantly, even in completely unrelated ways. I was convinced something terrible was going to happen.

After Tenerife I decided I couldn't do it again. I was gutted but knew I couldn't stand to put myself through so much anxiety. It had got to the point where I would dread going on holiday in the weeks and months beforehand, instead of being excited. However, my Mam came home one day and said she had been talking to someone who'd suggested hypnotherapy. As quite an alternative therapy, I'd never really considered it before, but after researching and hearing about all the phobias it has seemingly cured and the smokers who have quit after a 60 minute session, I was intrigued.

I found a hypnotherapist nearby and booked my first session. On the day I didn't know what to expect, but still felt hopeful. Being a huge Derren Brown fan, I really do believe hypnosis can be a powerful tool. The first appointment was just an assessment; deciding what I hoped to get out of the therapy and how that could be done. The second session was the first time I would actually experience hypnosis. As I was led into the office and sat down on a big, comfy chair I was so nervous. The therapist put one of those little clips on my finger (I think they measure heart rate) and said this was so she could tell when I'd gone into hypnosis. Once I'd got comfortable, she put some calm music on in the background and started speaking. Honestly, to start with I was sat there trying not to laugh - it felt so awkward. I really struggled to relax and keep my eyes closed, but eventually I started feeling calmer. 

Fuelled by eccentric stage performers, I think there's a misconception that hypnosis is this really weird, mystical thing - I guess this is why so many people don't believe it's even real. In reality, it's just a very deeply relaxed state of mind, which allows you to delve into your subconscious and 'rewire' things. However scared I was beforehand, it really isn't frightening at all. From what I've heard, everyone experiences hypnosis in a different way. For me I felt completely normal, but just incredibly relaxed. I noticed a slight tingling feeling in my feet and kind of felt as though I was sinking into the chair, but apart from that I didn't feel anything weird at all. I was completely aware of my surroundings and everything that was being said to me. One thing that shocked me, though, is that at the end of the session the hypnotherapist asked me how long I thought I'd been there, to which I answered 10 minutes. In reality, I'd been there for an hour - apparently it's quite common for time to seemingly move a lot faster when under hypnosis.

If I remember rightly, I had two follow up sessions. In one of these I was taught how to carry out self-hypnosis. This was absolutely fascinating and definitely the most valuable thing I got from the experience. This is a technique I still often use today, sometimes to calm myself but usually just because I enjoy it - it's incredibly relaxing and leaves you feeling so refreshed. It's actually really easy to learn, and I've got quite good at it now; I can immediately recognise when it's working as I get that tell-tale tingling in my feet.

If I cut to the chase, ultimately hypnotherapy did not 'cure' my phobia of flying. Afterwards, I did feel very positive and got on a plane to go to Austria. I was absolutely fine on the way there, even relaxed enough to take pictures whilst landing. Unfortunately, on the flight home the anxiety all came flooding back, which was really disappointing. However despite not achieving my original goal,  I'm definitely glad I tried hypnotherapy, even just for the experience and knowledge of self-hypnosis, which has been so useful to me.

Mental illness: My story

Somewhere deep down, I always knew I was a bit different. I wanted to write about this - my story from start to the present day, because I recently realised that despite my few years of mental health campaigning, I've never written a detailed account of where my passion comes from.

Even as a small child, I suspected that I felt things more deeply than most people of my age. It never took a lot to make me cry and looking back, I'm sure my anxiety levels were much higher than they should have been. Once I was actually diagnosed at the age of 16, my mental health issues were put into the bracket of depression, although they have manifested themselves in a range of different forms over the years. It's kind of been a random mashup of depression, SAD, different types of anxiety and phobias. As I've already mentioned, it started out primarily as anxiety. As a small child I remember having anxiety about going to school - there were days up until being about 8 or 9 where the thought of going would be so upsetting to me. I would occasionally have to be physically carried into school. I suppose this to some extent is quite normal for a young child, but I never really grew out of the anxiety; it just transferred itself to different situations. By the age of about 9 I had developed a complete and utter phobia of buses - more specifically of travel sickness. Travel sickness is something I've always suffered with, but in this situation I think it was a vicious cycle. The anxiety made me feel sick hours or even days before I knew I had to get on a bus, so on the day I thought 'I'm already ill so I definitely can't go on the bus or I'll be more ill'. The next time the memory made the fear even stronger. I got myself so worked up that even on short bus journeys I would often end up being sick.

However, it was only when I started secondary school that my issues really began to interfere with my life regularly. At the beginning of year 7 I got really ill - just being sick all the time. I was so scared of being sick at school and so had a lot of time off in my first term there. I would often get into school but end up throwing up and having to go home. It was a complete mystery illness at the time; I lost a lot of weight but when I went to the doctors, they couldn't find anything wrong. Looking back, it's blatantly obvious to me that it was all anxiety. Deep down, I was terrified of going to school, which was making me feel sick. My mind was telling me that the sickness was causing the anxiety, but in reality is was the other way round. It seems crazy that I had no idea, but I know all too well how your mind can play tricks on you, in an effort to protect you from the truth.

From this, my health continued to steadily decline. It's so strange to think that it never occurred to me that I may actually have a mental illness, when looking back it is so clear; I was incredibly sensitive and in tears almost every day for years. This is why I believe mental health education from a young age is vital, and I will always stick by this belief. Whenever I've brought this up before, teachers have shied away from it because it's deemed as too heavy a topic for very young children. However I believe it doesn't have to be scary; there are ways to present mental health education in an age-appropriate manner. I would also argue that a child growing up as I did, convinced that they are just 'pathetic', is vastly more scary.

At the age of 15, things took a real turn for the worst. A variety of factors really triggered something in me, and I just fell into complete despair. I isolated myself every day and barely even spoke to my friends for about a year. At the worst point, I felt completely detached from my body. It was the weirdest feeling and it's probably hard to imagine unless you've felt it yourself. The best way I can describe it is that it was as though I was floating above my body - not living my life, but just observing it. I couldn't feel anything at all. I could see myself walking around, and hear myself talking, but it wasn't me that was doing it. I think it was my mind's way of trying to protect me from feeling so depressed, but it was counterproductive. For me, feeling nothing was so much worse than feeling awful. Expressing what you feel is how you heal, and not being able to feel what you need to is actually indescribably frustrating. I used to try to make myself cry because I needed to get the emotions out, but I just couldn't make myself feel anything. I was so detached from my own life that I can barely remember that year at all - it's completely lost. My one vivid memory is standing in front of the mirror at college one day and physically jumping, because I didn't recognise my own reflection. I eventually plucked up the courage and went to my GP, because by this point I knew what I was experiencing was not at all normal. However, it was completely brushed off and I was told that every teenager feels this way - it was devastating. I actually wanted something to be wrong; if something was actually wrong with me, measures could be taken to make it better, but if what I was experiencing was deemed as normal, I essentially just had to live with it. I knew in my heart something was seriously wrong, but was so defeated I just buried my head in the sand.

When I was 17, I was suddenly hit with an awful anxiety related to my health. I don't want to go into details about this because, of everything, I actually find this the hardest thing to talk about. It was so strong that it actually caused some of the physical things in my body which I was worried about to happen. This is the one experience that cemented my belief that mental and physical health are so closely connected. My health was constantly on my mind. At about the same time I started getting into strange habits of repeating phrases in my head and touching certain objects at certain times because it temporarily eased my anxiety. I knew logically it made no difference to anything, but it felt as though it 'balanced' things in my head somehow. However the immediate sense of comfort these actions gave me never lasted long, and at the worst point I was doing them hundreds of times a day. It was very easy to hide because it was mostly just silently saying words in my head, but it meant my head always felt 'full', it was so frustrating and impossible to concentrate. This is a habit I managed to cut down on massively, although I still to this day repeat a set of phrases in my head every night before I sleep. It's so ingrained in me that I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to stop doing it - but it doesn't really affect my life much anymore, so it doesn't particularly bother me. Like I said, the anxiety I was experiencing also caused physical symptoms, which just fed the anxiety even further, so it turned into a vicious cycle. It was at this point I decided to go to a different GP, armed with everything I had experienced written down in my phone. I was a lot more prepared and made sure I really put across how miserable these issues were making my life. This time, I was taken seriously; I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication - and was already having counselling at school.

Since then, it's been a constant journey and I can honestly say that not a single day has gone by where I haven't learnt something new about myself. I've tried tons of different treatments; medications, counselling, CBT and hypnotherapy to name a few. I've had so many issues with side effects of medications (one of which almost ruined my A-Levels). I've lost count of the number of times I have fought to get myself better and then completely gone back on myself. However, every time it happens, I eventually pick myself up and it strengthens me. I used to get frustrated with myself for letting things slip over and over again, but I've found that a better way of looking at things is from a 'what will be, will be' stance. Taking every day one at a time and trying to stay focused on being well, but not torturing myself if I go downhill again. At the end of the day, falling down and making mistakes are a vital part of the process of learning how to heal. I think mental health issues are often seen as something that somebody gets, recovers from and then it's left behind and forgotten about. From my point of view, I don't believe in that; I think it takes constant work. I don't think there will ever be a day in my life where I don't have to consciously decide to keep working on my health. I think recovery from mental illness is not a destination to be reached, but a constant state of making the right choices for yourself, and of knowing what to do if things do start to decline again. Nowadays I don't really put myself in a bracket of 'this is what I have' and 'these are the clinical symptoms I have', because it's never been that black and white for me. I simply have come to the conclusion that I feel the same feelings as everyone else, it's just that whatever emotion I feel, it's to the extreme. I am either happy as hell or everything is terrible, and every situation that provokes an emotion, that emotion is without fail, so intense. Part of me hates this, but another part of me thinks what a beautiful thing it is to be able to feel everything so deeply. The year where I felt nothing at all makes me - in a strange way - grateful for my excess of emotion now.

At this point in my life, in a strange sort of way, I feel grateful for everything that has happened. It has made me incredibly self-aware, determined and ambitious in a way that I don't think I ever would have been, had I not experienced all of this. Weirdly, it's sculpted me into a much more positive person; I think when you have seen such catastrophic lows, it makes you more grateful for everything that is good in life. Although never in quite as much detail as this, I have told this story so many times now. Each time I feel more comfortable revealing more and more, because as I continually grow I become more at peace with my past. I worry that speaking about this so much makes me look self-absorbed, but I don't tell my story to generate attention for myself. I tell it to generate attention towards mental health. My input is small and although my personal story may not reach many, if it can encourage one other person to be open about their struggles, or to reach out for help if they're struggling right now, then surely it's worth putting it out there. I've always said this, but in a way I feel as though I was dealt this card in life so I could work through it, and then turn it into a positive and help others. I think the sharing of personal stories is one of the most powerful tools in mental health awareness. Sometimes it's hard to put into words how you feel, but the more people who share their experiences, the more likely it is that somebody will read something that strikes a chord with them, and suddenly they will realise they're not alone. If that hope makes me attention-seeking or self-absorbed, then so be it.

Nurturing nature

Nothing fascinates me quite as much as the nurturing power of the outdoors. Having lived in the countryside my entire life so far, I've been brought up constantly surrounded by natural beauty. I mean, living in the sticks definitely has it's downsides, e.g. the pain of £25 taxis after nights out (that's 15 Jägerbombs worth!). Bless my Mam for getting up to give me a lift 9/10 times. However, I wouldn't change where I live for the world.

There's something that's just so calming about being alone in a beautiful, quiet place, surrounded by wildlife and trees. I think getting out of the house and enjoying the outdoors is something we could all benefit from. Personally, though I've always enjoyed the countryside, I didn't realise what a therapeutic effect it had on me until relatively recently. It started out when I would get on my horse and go for a ride to let go of my troubles. This is one of my fondest memories; I would literally just sit and talk to him about my troubles whilst the fresh air blew away my worries. 3 years ago, my horse died and I decided to stop horse riding - this is when I moved on to walking.

I think the thing I love the most about nature and the outdoors is the sense of freedom it evokes. I, as I'm sure a lot of people do, have a terrible habit of sitting and dwelling on my thoughts whilst I'm at home doing nothing. It often leaves me feeling almost trapped in my own head. I noticed a few years ago that going out for a walk really tackles that feeling of being 'pursued' by my own thoughts. Just the act of getting up, sticking in my earphones and going for a short walk can completely change my outlook on life. My favourite place to wander is in the woods and near a beck or stream, as I find the sound of running water incredibly relaxing.  

Sometimes, instead of listening to music along the way, it's nice to go for a mindful walk. Mindfulness essentially means paying close attention to the present moment; sounds, sights, the feel of the ground beneath your feet, and so on. This is a really healthy thing to do as often as possible, as it keeps you grounded in the here and now. Almost all of our worries are rooted either in the past or the future, so to pay close attention to being present in the moment can really ease those fears. Next time you find yourself worrying, ask yourself 'in this precise moment, is anything actually wrong?' the majority of time the answer will be no. Going out and focusing on the beauty that surrounds you can be almost hypnotic, I would even say it's similar to meditation.

I realise of course that I'm incredibly lucky to live in such a quiet and pretty place, but I think going outside and walking, wherever it may be, can be therapeutic. One of my favourite holidays ever was Scotland, the scenery was so breathtaking and I honestly felt so spiritual, balanced and calm for the week we were there, even though my exams were looming! Below is one of the pictures I took on that trip. If you ever find yourself fretting or upset and don't know what to do, don't sit and dwell on things - get up, go for a walk somewhere beautiful and you're sure to come back feeling refreshed and calmed.