National Stress Awareness Day - My top 5 stress-busting techniques

Today's post is a day early, but seen as it's national stress awareness day, I thought this would be fitting. Each and every one of us is affected by stress from time to time; some more than others, yes, but we all know the feeling. As we mature and get to know ourselves better, we become more in tune to both our personal triggers, and to which coping mechanisms work best for us. This week, I thought it would be nice to really think about what works for me, and pass on some of my own stress-busting ideas. So without further ado, here are my top 5 coping mechanisms for when life seems a bit too overwhelming.

1. Lists

For me, lists are a complete life-saver. Admittedly I'm a bit of an organisation freak, but there's something about having a good to-do list that really calms me down. When I have all these tasks swirling around in my head, I find I'm using half of my energy just thinking about what I need to do, leaving no headspace to deal with actually doing them. By writing everything down instead of using your brain as your notepad, it's surprising how much more manageable it all seems. Once you have a list, it's as simple as working through it one by one, without simultaneously thinking about what you have to do next. Mono-tasking is the way forward people!

2. Ten minute rule

I used to be a person who was regularly late for events, despite lateness being something I really hate. I just couldn't understand why I would always set off 'on time' yet still not manage to actually be on time. Nowadays I always apply my 'ten minute rule' if possible; always think about how long it will take you to get somewhere, and aim to set off ten minutes earlier. This 10 minute buffer allows time for the 'little things' we don't think about, but that end up eating our time, for example locking the door, getting the car off the drive or putting our shoes on. For me, there's nothing more stressful than being unpunctual, hence why I find this technique so helpful.

3. De-clutter

Recently I read Marie Kondo's famous book 'The life changing magic of tidying' and it has, as promised, changed my life. Living in a family home, it's unrealistic for me to totally de-clutter the entire house, but clearing out my room has had such a positive effect on my stress levels. It's so lovely to have my own space which I enjoy spending time in. Even silly little things like folding my clothes differently so they're easier to see has a calming effect; seemingly insignificant daily tasks like getting dressed become so much easier. I'm really all about the little things; we tend to dismiss them, believing they're not big enough to have an effect on our stress levels but when they're all added up, they often have more of an impact than anything else. On a side note, I would highly recommend Marie Kondo's book, it's a really enjoyable read, especially for my fellow organisation geeks out there.

4. Get the right amount of sleep for you

I will never stop preaching the power of sleep, as it literally affects every aspect of our lives and health. Notice I haven't tried to specify an ideal number of hours; this is because it varies hugely from person to person. Some people need very little sleep in order to function properly, whereas others need a lot more. What's right for you is something you need to figure out yourself; both too little and too much sleep can have a negative effect on the mind and body, subsequently increasing stress levels. Personally, my ideal is 8-10 hours per night, which might seem quite a lot. I find that if I have less than 8 hours, I struggle to get out of bed and tend to need a nap in the afternoon. On the flipside if I sleep for too long, I feel groggy, headachy and lack energy throughout the day. Finding the right amount of sleep for you and sticking to that whenever possible is a really useful stress-busting tool.

5. Deal with things now

This is something I didn't learn until quite recently. When we're feeling stressed or under pressure, the easiest thing to do is sweep things under the carpet and bury our heads in the sand. The only problem is, the things we need to deal with then only become more urgent, whilst additional tasks come up in the meantime. As those deadlines become nearer and the unread emails pile up, it only makes us more stressed, which can lead to a vicious cycle. Put an end to that cycle today; make an action plan and actually do it, sort through your emails and from now on as soon as something needs doing, do it immediately. Your head will feel much clearer for it.

Stress management truly is so important for our productivity, but more importantly for our physical and mental health. I really hope these ideas can be of some use - they certainly have been for me. Furthermore, if anyone has any of their own stress-busting techniques, I'd love to hear them; I'm always open to new ideas, so the more the better!

SAD: The mental illness nobody talks about

It's estimated that 1 in 15 people in the UK suffer from it[1], but how often do we hear about Seasonal Affective Disorder, also know as SAD? Until I was diagnosed with it myself, I admittedly knew very little about the illness. I'd spent a lot of my life thinking I just had to live with becoming a completely different person in Winter. Sure, I'd heard about the 'winter blues' but it never seemed to be portrayed as a serious issue. Finding out I had SAD was actually a huge relief; I think it's comforting being able to put a name to something that's kind of hard to put into words. I guess it's nice to know that what your experiencing isn't completely abnormal, and is totally valid and real. After many years of navigating this disorder, I've learnt a lot; from the facts and science behind it, to the best ways of managing it. I thought it would be nice to share some of my personal coping mechanisms. I think a lot of people probably suffer from the 'Winter Blues' on some level, so perhaps some of these strategies could be of help.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a form of depression which usually occurs between the months of September and April (although this varies from person to person), and is caused by the shorter daylight hours in Winter. Simply put, SAD is caused primarily by the brain producing too much Melatonin - a chemical which is produced in the dark, making us feel tired and ready to sleep. In theory, it's very useful, but too much can be problematic and lead to symptoms such as low mood, tiredness, difficulty concentrating, lowered immune system and sleeping problems. It can also cause a sudden lift in mood and bursts of hypo-mania (over-activity) in Spring[2]. Seen as it's around the time of year when SAD tends to set in, I reckon it's a perfect time to share a few little tricks that could help alleviate these symptoms.

1. Get outdoors

As I mentioned earlier, SAD is basically caused by the lack of daylight in the Winter months. Getting outside for a walk or something similar can help in two ways. Firstly, outside light from the sun is way more powerful than indoor lights, even on a murky day. Secondly, if going outside involves some exercise as well, endorphin levels will increase, boosting the feel good factor even more.

2. SAD lamp

Although getting outdoors more often should be beneficial, it may not always be enough. If this is the case, light therapy may be an option. Medically certified light therapy lamps produce artificial sunlight, and when used for 30 minutes early in the morning and 30 minutes at night (or whatever your GP advises) they can make a real difference. They essentially fool the brain into thinking the days are longer. It's about this time of year I start using my lamp, and in previous years I've found it really effective in reducing symptoms.

3. Schedule some me time

It's so important to set time aside every day to look after yourself, or to do something you enjoy. It could be as simple as having a long bath or reading a chapter of a book - anything that nurtures your soul. Looking after yourself is not selfish, it's a necessity.

4. Get moving

I can't stress enough the power of exercise when it comes to mental health care. I'm certainly not trying to suggest that exercise alone can 'cure' a mental illness, but I know from experience it can be a really useful tool. As I mentioned earlier, exercise increases endorphin levels, subsequently improving your mood - and the good news is you don't need tons of exercise to feel the benefits. If working out isn't really your thing, something as simple as a few short walks per week could well be enough to feel some improvements.

5. Take care of the little things

This might seem like a strange one, but I honestly find that the little things really add up and end up having such an impact on my state of mind. Especially if you're not feeling so good, small things like keeping your room tidy, looking after your skin or wearing an outfit you feel good in can make such a difference.

6. Make time for sleep

We've all heard it a million times, but there's so many reasons why. Sleep is great for pretty much every aspect of health, and mental health is no exception. Having battled with insomnia for a few years, I know this all too well and now value sleep enormously. A good snooze every night allows the body to repair itself, and the mind to process information (dreams are more productive than you may think!). Exactly how much sleep we need varies from person to person, but once you start paying more attention to your sleep routine, your body will soon tell you the answer to that.

7. Be gentle with yourself

If you do find things harder during the winter months, one of the best things you can do is to be gentle with yourself. Remember that it's not your fault you feel this way, make yourself a plan of action and simply do you best. This is all you can ever do and all anyone else can ask of you. Remember to put yourself first and prioritise your own needs, especially when things are tough.

8. Visit the GP

Lastly, but most importantly, if you suspect something may be wrong, go to your GP for advice. The tips I'm giving here are purely things I've learnt through my own experiences, and certainly won't apply to everyone. I'm not a professional, just someone sharing her own ideas and hoping they might be of help to someone else. Reaching out to someone qualified to provide the right sort of help is the best thing you can do. If going to a GP is too daunting to begin with, maybe start by speaking to a friend or family member, or contacting one of the helplines listed on the Mental Health helplines NHS page.


[1] Mental Health Foundation. (2017). Seasonal affective disorder (SAD). [online] Available at: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/s/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad [Accessed 9 Mar. 2017].

[2] The Seasonal Affective Disorder Assosciation. 2016. Symptoms. [ONLINE] Available at: http://www.sada.org.uk/symptoms_2.php. [Accessed 9 March 2017].

5 things my Dad taught me

I think it's safe to say the last month or so has been a difficult one. After my Dad died in August, adapting to such a huge change in life has been really weird and frankly, confusing. For me at least, it's more than anything been a period of reflection; I don't think you realise how much of an impact a person has on you until they're no longer around. It was this that made me start thinking about everything my Dad taught me; it's amazing how he shaped my life in so many incredible ways. Honestly, this list could be way longer, but here are just the top five wonderful lessons that my Dad taught me.

1) To never be afraid to stick up for myself.

Being a relatively shy person, speaking out and standing up for myself has never been easy. In fact, shy or otherwise, I think this is something a lot of us struggle with; the fear (or hassle) of confrontation easily pushes us towards settling for less than we deserve. Growing up, and seeing the way my Dad always boldly stood up for what he believed was right and fair, certainly taught me a thing or two about making sure I'm treated with respect.

2) That grades don't mean as much as attitude.

As a younger child, I was a perfectionist to say the least. From an early age, I was almost obsessed with doing well at school, and developed an unhealthy tendency to compare my achievements with those of others. My Dad always knew this insecurity of mine, and regularly reassured me that grades really meant very little in comparison to attitude and work ethic. He certainly practised what he preached in this respect. At a young age my Dad left school without sitting any exams, to work as a miner, as many boys in his local area did. However after a few years, he decided he wanted to become a police officer. Through sheer determination and hard graft, rather than amazing academic achievements at school, he did just that. The fact that my Dad managed to have such a successful career doing what he loved, despite not being 'academic', really shaped my perspectives; I'm now much gentler on myself when it comes to grades. Dad proved to me, and always reminded me, that academics are only a part of, rather than the definition of success.

3) That actions speak louder than words.

Anyone who knew my Dad will know that he wasn't the 'emotional type' as such. He would rarely directly say "I love you" or anything along those lines, but he had ways of making it clear without even having to say a word. It was little things like always being the 'soft touch' parent when my brother and I were young, or the way he would always say "watch what you're doing" whenever we left the house as we got older. In fact, even near the end of his illness, he would never fail to tell us to watch what we were doing and to text him when we got home, every time we left the hospital. It's so easy for someone to say that they love you, but the actions that accompany or even replace that are much more meaningful and telling.

4) To never speak down to anyone.

I always used to love listening to Dad's stories about his time as a police officer. What always spoke volumes to me was that in every tale he told there was always one common theme; he would never say a bad word about anyone. It was obvious that in his job, he'd never speak down to people. He didn't ever see himself as any 'better' than anyone else, and I know he was really respected for it. This was one of the biggest lessons of my life; it made me realise that nobody is any 'higher up' than anyone else, and that most importantly we're all just human beings with our own unique lives, stories and experiences.

5) To live life to the full and take nothing for granted.

As anyone who knew my Dad will know, he was very much a 'live in the moment' sort of person, and he would always say "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." It was a phrase that if I'm honest, I never truly understood the meaning of until he was gone. No matter what card life had dealt him, he was always 100% positive, even when things were really bleak. He dealt with things in an almost superhuman way, and his catchphrase was 'crack on' (often accompanied with a smile and wink), no matter how trivial, or how heavy, the issue he was dealing with was.

Autumn/Winter health goals

Ok so if I'm honest, this post is more about keeping me motivated rather than anything else! Firstly, let me get real here - over the past few months I have gained quite a hefty amount of weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm generally not bothered about weight. In fact, providing I'm feeling fit and healthy, I rarely bother to get the scales out at all. Unfortunately over the past few months, despite keeping my efforts up in the gym, a LOT of comfort food has been consumed! All in all I would say I've gained about a stone in the past few months. 

Firstly, I'm in no way beating myself up about this weight gain/slip in my habits. All that lovely comfort food was bloody amazing and well needed, and I don't regret a single bite. However, now I have a bit more time on my hands, it feels right to get my habits back into check. I'm realising now that I don't feel as healthy and energetic as I would like to. Although I'm feeling confident and accepting of my heavier body, I would like to lose a few pounds and get myself back into a healthier shape.

My ultimate goal is to lose 20lbs by Christmas, bringing me back to a healthier weight for my size. This works out at 1.5lbs per week. This is, I think, a doable and maintainable goal. I may tweak this and end up sticking at a slightly higher weight if I get to a point where I think 'yeah, this is right for me'. I say this because I have previously fallen into the trap of losing a lot of weight and ending up in a situation where I'm battling to stay there, which is no fun. I really do believe there always needs to be a balance between sensible food choices and having a GOOD TIME (aka eating what you want without guilt).

Personally, I don't like the word 'diet', and I don't like to go on diets, as they quite frankly make me miserable and worried about the way I look. Due to this, my plan is to slightly reduce my portion sizes, think more carefully about snacking and track what I'm eating on the app 'Lifesum', which I've used before and absolutely love! Exercise shouldn't be an issue as I've been going to the gym regularly for almost a year now, so I'm already in good habits where that's concerned. The only thing I'm doing differently in that respect is adding some cardio to my routines, (which I prefer to avoid like the plague but hey, needs must).

Does anyone else have any goals in mind for the Winter/Christmas period? The next step for me is figuring out some sort of plan for next year. New Year is 100% my favourite time of the year; I think having my birthday on January 1st gives me an extra dose of the 'fresh start' vibes.

An insomiac's guide to sleeping soundly

Sleep - love it or loathe it, it's way more important than we tend to think. For some of us, a restful night's snoozing comes naturally, but for others it can feel like a minefield. Recently, whilst reading a Women's Health article on 'clean sleep', I was inspired to start paying more attention to my own habits.

As someone who has dealt with insomnia in the past, I know all too well how important sleep really is. It's definitely one of those things that you only realise are important when they're gone. Back when my sleeping problems were at their worst, I did a great deal of research into how to deal with the issue, and eventually did manage to improve my sleep quality massively. It took time and effort, but through the methods that follow, I went from getting around 4 hours of sleep (on a good day) to peacefully sleeping for 7 or more hours most nights. I've listed my methods in reverse order of their usefulness (in my opinion), so if you want to try a few but not all of them, I'd start with the ones at the bottom.

5. Self-hypnosis

Ok, I'll admit this does seem a bit out-there, and a few years ago I would've laughed at this suggestion too. Having said that, a few years ago I didn't really understand hypnosis. Ultimately, despite its connotations, hypnosis is not much more than a very deep state of relaxation. Whilst having hypnotherapy for a phobia, I was taught how to carry out self-hypnosis, and to this day it remains my tool of choice when I'm either very stressed or struggling to sleep. I would really recommend going in with an open mind and researching this further if you're having issues with with relaxation.

4. Prepare for the morning

If there's one thing that's bound to make sleeping more difficult, it's worrying about the million things you need to do in the morning. I find it so useful to make sure I'm fully prepared in advance. I'm not a morning person at all, so as well as aiding my sleep, it makes for a much less stressful morning. Make a list of the things you tend to worry about most in the mornings; this could be what to wear, what to have for breakfast or things to remember for work. Try to prepare as much as possible before going to sleep - write reminders, prepare breakfast in advance etc.

3. Bath/shower at night

Whether it's best to shower in the morning or at night has always been up for debate. Of course, there's arguments for each side, however if you're a troublesome sleeper I would argue the night-time option is more beneficial. Personally, a relaxing bath before bed really settles me down and prepares me for sleep. I always prefer a bath, but I don't think the method is actually that important, just go for whichever suits you. It's definitely the act of washing off the day and feeling fresh before bed that helps me snooze more soundly.

2. Declutter

The space in which you sleep is way more important than you may realise. For me at least, messy room = messy mind, 100%. It's quite a hard thing to describe, but it's as though all that clutter in the room represents the jumble of thoughts in my mind. Linking in to point 4, clutter can also cause stress more practically; you're more likely to be kept awake worrying where something is if your space isn't organised.

1. Technology cleanse

If I had to choose which technique alone is best when it comes to getting more quality sleep, I would go for this one every time. As far as I'm concerned, technology (especially social media) before bed is almost always a terrible idea. There's loads of opinions out there on exactly how long before bed you should put the tech down, but I try to stick to an hour, or even half an hour; I think this is an effective yet doable time-scale.

In conjunction with these methods, try to keep your sleep schedule pretty regular. It's also really useful to figure out roughly how many hours of sleep you need per night; both too little and too much can have a detrimental effect. Hopefully some of these methods can be useful, but remember that if you're really struggling with you sleeping it's important to go to your GP. Problems with sleep aren't always, but can be a result of an underlying condition like depression or anxiety.

Sweet dreams!

Why body confidence has nothing to do with the way you look

As a young teenager I, like so many, would constantly critique the way I looked. More to the point, I would obsess over other people's traits and how I wanted to look like them. Every day was, "I wish I had her curves" or "Why can't I have hair like that?" At this time, I viewed almost all aspects of life from a "why is the world so against me?" perspective, and my body image was certainly no exception. Everything was so unfair.

It took me years to realise why my opinion of my own body never improved. Everything I tried was to look better; I wore makeup to look less 'plain', I changed my haircut to try to look like someone else, and the amount of times I VOWED to 'eat healthier and exercise'. Of course, it never panned out that way. I expected to go out for a run, eat an apple and suddenly be this motivated, fit, gorgeous person. Looking back, the failure was inevitable, because no amount of exercise, make-up or veg can make you into a different person. Each time my efforts appeared to be in vain, I looked at things from the same perspective; "why me", "it is actually impossible for me to exercise", "why is it so easy for everybody else?" It was a completely toxic way of thinking.

Realising my mistake was a slow and indirect process, which came about when I joined the gym (for the third time) in October of last year. Readying myself for the worst months of SAD*, I was adamant it wasn't going to get the best of me this time. Over the years I had learnt the most powerful tool for me mentally is to take good care of my all-round health. To my surprise, for the first time ever, I found committing to the gym relatively easy. For a while I couldn't figure out why, but eventually realised it was because - in contrast to every previous attempt - I was adopting healthier habits to feel better, rather than to look different. And there was another unexpected side effect; my body confidence began to soar. At first I thought this was odd, seen as I didn't look drastically different from when I started out.

However it eventually dawned on me that I had begun to see my body as something strong, powerful and capable. My body was no longer something to be looked at and judged, but something with a purpose and a job. That job is keeping me healthy. In time, I realised that all of my past insecurities are really nothing to worry about at all. For example, I used to get so hung up on my shoulders being wide and a bit out of proportion. Now my perspective has totally changed; it dawned on me that despite having quite a big chest considering my 5'2 frame, I have never suffered with back pain as a result. Having broader, strong shoulders has almost certainly helped with this. This simple shift towards realising that your unique features are about much more than the way they look, is so empowering. Just think for a second about all our bodies do for us; if we get a cut, a sprain, or an illness, our body immediately gets to work to try to heal us. It really is all about perspective, and viewing your body as something functional rather than aesthetic, something to work with rather than against, can strangely make you so much happier with it all round. Not at a certain size or shape or weight, but however it happens to look when it is helping you to feel happy, healthy and strong.

*Seasonal Affective Disorder

Erase this word from your vocabulary and change your life forever

Let's just think about it for a second; language is simply a string of sounds. A string of sounds that has the power to make us feel a spectrum of emotions. One string of sounds can make us feel content, loved or powerful. Another could leave us anxious, devastated or furious. I think we often underestimate the way that language influences literally everything we do. The words we use have way more power over us than we probably imagine; even the ones we use in normal, everyday situations. In particular, the words we use about ourselves, both in our heads and out loud, can completely change our view of life.

A few years ago, whilst sat in Leeds Grand Theatre with my friend and brother, I heard Derren Brown talk about 'the stories we tell ourselves' for the first time. From the moment I heard that opening speech from his show 'Infamous', I was fascinated by the concept. The concept that really, all we can control is how we piece together the information we receive. We can make this information into a good story or a bad one - the content really has little relevance. Around the same time, I found myself having a conversation which changed my life. I think we can all think of certain moments which, despite not being particularly out of the ordinary or remarkable, have a profound effect on us. In the months leading up to my GCSEs I was, as many of us were, incredibly stressed. It felt as though I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. One lunchtime I was having a conversation with my RS, and future Psychology teacher. As one of those people who always seems to know what to say, she was often the first person I'd go to when I needed some guidance. On this occasion, she said 6 words which altered my perspective forever. These words were "get rid of the word should".

Should. I'd never thought of it before, but what an awful word. If you really step back and think about the word 'should', what sort of feelings does it evoke? Guilt? Anxiety? Self-depreciation? It rarely conjures up any positive images. Although being intrigued by the suggestion, I will admit I was initially sceptical. Firstly, how could the erasing of a single word realistically change the way you think as a whole and secondly, is it actually possible to do? After all, most of the words that we say even to others, but especially to ourselves are almost automatic - we have no real awareness of doing it.

Despite my doubts, since that short conversation I have always tried to be mindful of that toxic word 'should', and after 4 years, I think I've cracked it. Of course, sometimes I slip up, but in general my use of the word is a thing of the past. This small change has had such a profound effect on my overall mental health. Since ditching the word, I rarely feel guilt when I don't manage to do something I would have liked to. Previously, that 'should' would've plagued me; spinning around my head with its negative, confidence-bashing connotations. You may be reading this thinking 'well maybe feeling no guilt isn't entirely a good thing'. After all, surely it could lead to a person being lazy and/or unreliable; by giving them permission to not do the things they really, well, *should* be doing.

On the contrary, I think it has the opposite effect. You see, by taking away the notion that you should be doing this or should be doing that, you find a great weight lifted off your shoulders. This is the weight of expectation, and it is, quite frankly, something we could all do without. The anxiety you feel when telling yourself you should be doing something is completely counter-productive. Feeling anxiety and stress in large amounts is only going to hinder you. After all, obsessing over how you should be doing something, doesn't get it any closer to actually being done. In fact, it'll likely make you dread it more, and thus also make you more likely to put it off further.

So, it's easy to talk about this hypothetically, but how do you actually put it into practice? Honestly, it takes some time and effort, and requires you to regularly analyse the things you're saying to yourself and others. My challenge to you would be to slowly start replacing the word 'should' with more positive phrases. For example, instead of saying "I really should finish that Maths paper today" you could say "I would really like it if I finished that Maths paper today". By doing this, you're replacing a sentence which focuses on the negatives you would feel if you don't get it done, with one that focuses on how good you will feel if you do. This in turn makes you more likely to want to do it, and also less likely to beat yourself up if you don't, which is a win-win situation.

Yes, this method may sound a bit cringey in practice, but it honestly is a life-changer. I say this as someone who gained very little from CBT, a form of therapy which focuses heavily on noticing, evaluating and consciously changing thought processes until they become more constructive. To be totally honest, I found it a bit patronising. I'm in no way saying that CBT is a bad thing; I know it's very effective for an lot of people. Simply put, I think I'm just too stubborn to get much out of it. However, as a result of ridding myself of the word 'should', I definitely see and understand the merit of 'rewiring' thinking patterns. Until you really start to consciously consider the 'stories you tell yourself', you don't realise the power you could gain by changing them.

5 ways to become a 'morning person'

Presumably if you're reading this then like me, you're not a what is typically described as a 'morning person'. Let's be honest though, do these people who naturally leap out of bed in the morning, bright-eyed and ready to face the day even exist? I don't know about you but I've certainly never met one! However, I do believe that it is absolutely possible to train your mind and body to make mornings much more pleasant and productive. Up until revamping my approach around 6 months ago, I was the polar opposite of a 'morning person'. My 'routine' would usually go something like this:

7.30am - Alarm goes off. Hit snooze and think about how cold my room is and how much I hate leaving my bed.

7.38am - Alarm goes off again. Hit snooze again.

7.46am - Alarm goes off again. Turn alarm off completely.

8.00am - Scroll through social media.

8.30am - Shit, I fell back asleep with my phone in my hand. Scramble out of bed in a panic, quickly brush teeth and get dressed - no time for luxuries such as breakfast, applying makeup or even brushing hair.

8.40am - Run around the house aimlessly (and frustratingly, usually up and down the stairs around 5 times) looking for something/multiple things I need but can't find.

8.50am - Set off for college late, usually feeling stressed, unprepared and ugly.

Clearly, this isn't an ideal way to start the day. However, it is possible to completely turn around those stressful mornings. Here are 5 totally do-able changes that have helped me, and can hopefully be useful for you, too:

1) Prepare the night before

If, like me, you tend to be a bit grouchy in the morning, then you want to be avoiding the potential frustration of not being able to find anything you need. Decide what you're going to wear and either lay it out ready or just make sure you know where it is. If you're going to school or college, pack your bag and put out any folders you need the night before. Preparing breakfast the night before is also really helpful. I have the same oat-based breakfast every morning and it's so amazing! I'll make sure to share the recipe for this in a post sometime, as it's so cheap to make and literally takes 2 minutes every night. Having breakfast done and ready to eat straight away definitely gives me something to look forward to!

2) Set your alarm earlier

I mean, this is an obvious one, but it's useless if you don't learn to respond to your alarm correctly. You need to try different strategies and figure out a method that works best for you. A lot of people suggest putting your phone or alarm at the other side of the room; the idea being that you have to get out of bed to switch it off. Personally, I prefer a gentler approach. If I have to leave the house at 8.45am, as I often do, I set my alarm for 6.45am. In fact, whatever time I have to leave by, I just set my alarm for 2 hours beforehand. This may seem excessive, but I would much rather get up in good time and have a slow-paced, leisurely start to the day. So say my alarm goes off at 6.45am, I don't actually get up then, and I like that because it makes me dread my alarm less. After this, I give myself half an hour to wake up properly and just relax in bed. I often scroll through social media at this time which is probably a bad habit, but it definitely wakes up my brain. At 7.15am I get up, and despite having spent half an hour lounging around, I still half an hour and a half to get ready. I always have an alarm set for 7.15am, just in case I were to fall asleep again in that half an hour.

3) Start the day with water

This is absolutely life-changing. I have no idea why it makes you feel so good, but starting the day by chugging a load of water makes you feel so refreshed and energized. When I was rushing around, I didn't drink anything and was left feeling groggy, hungry and headachy by mid-morning. Nowadays, the first thing I do when I get up is drink half a litre (or a normal sized water bottle) of water. In fact, I love water so much that I dedicated a whole blog post to it back in January.

4) Get to bed at a good time

Another obvious but very effective one. For a few years I was an insomniac and would be forced to function on about 3 hours of sleep per night. This led me to believe I didn't need much sleep, because being constantly tired became the norm. I think this may be the case for a lot of people. However, it's only since regaining a healthy relationship with sleep that I've realised I actually need much more than I used to believe. Personally, I find the right amount of sleep time is 9-10 hours per day; any less I wake up tired and any more I wake up groggy and lethargic. Everybody has an ideal number of hours they should be sleeping for, although it varies from person to person. If you haven't already, it's definitely something worth figuring out; too little or too much sleep can really make your days (particularly the mornings) tougher.

5) Write a to-do list

It's easy to feel a bit overwhelmed in the morning, especially if you know you have loads to do during the day. One thing that I find really sets me up for a good day is writing a to-do list in my planner. It doesn't have to be detailed, but there's nothing like getting everything out of your head and into a list to stop it feeling like such a huge task. I don't know why this works - it just does. I think it sort of 'un-muddles' your head a bit, making everything seem clearer and more doable.

After learning to incorporate these 5 things into my life, I've noticed a remarkable change in my views towards the morning. Nowadays, I barely ever have terribly long lie-ins as I simply don't feel the need to anymore. However impossible I thought it would be, mornings are no longer the enemy! All it takes is a few small changes - it doesn't have to be anything drastic - and you too could build a structured and relaxed routine which works for you. I guarantee it will have a knock-on effect and start to improve many areas in your life. As an example, here's what my morning routine looks like now;

6.45am - Alarm goes off. Scroll through social media and slowly wake up.

7.15am - Second alarm goes off. Get up, drink half a litre of water.

7.30am - Eat breakfast with a cup of tea.

8.55am - Write to-do list for the day in planner.

8.10am - Get dressed and sort out hair and makeup.

8.35am - Get everything together that I need e.g. folders, planner etc.

8.45am - Leave the house, calm and ready for the day ahead.

The importance of having a relaxed and productive plan for the morning is underrated; I think we often don't realise how much the quality of our entire day rests on the way we utilise those first few hours. I guess the phrase 'got out of the wrong side of the bed' has a bit of a deeper meaning. If a morning has been stressful or rushed, it easily has the power to frustrate us for the rest of the day! This is why I believe it's so important to take control of those mornings, so they can no longer control us.

How I transformed my mental health with exercise

To say I was never the sporty type would be an understatement. At school I had an immense hatred of PE - particularly team games because quite frankly, I was shit. When I think of PE lessons the first things that pop into my mind are 1) being physically pushed around the cross country course by a teacher in the pouring rain and 2) being belted in the stomach by a football whilst in the midst of soul destroying cramps. Fun times.

Unfortunately for many years, I mistook my dislike of PE as a dislike of exercise. Sure, there were times when I did decide I was going to get fit; going to the gym, starting running, or doing workout DVDs, whatever the latest 'thing' was. I often worked myself up and got really motivated; exercising every day of the week, but each time I'd give up within a month or less. I'd always get really down on myself, wondering why exercise was SO much harder for me than everyone else. Of course in reality, it wasn't - I just had a shitty attitude towards it. Whilst I was in the midst of depression, exercise became this vicious cycle - just as everything in my life seemed to become. I'd get a spark of motivation, spend ages 'working myself up to it', and then either end up not doing it at all or sticking at it for a few weeks before giving up.

Looking back now, I realise why my efforts always failed; I was exercising for all the wrong reasons. I wasn't doing it for myself; I wanted to get fit because I wanted to look 'better', I wanted people to like me more and I wanted to stand out in a world where I felt very small. Exercise was simply something I felt I had to do in order to be more attractive, and I hoped it would make me feel noticed and loved. As a young teenager, I think it's easy to fall into this trap. I was also fixated on getting visible results, and getting them quickly. Now of course, I realise that all those promises of 'transforming your body in 30 days' are complete rubbish. The real changes come when you have realistic expectations, and work to change your lifestyle, not just your body.

After a good 5 years of being stuck in this energy-draining cycle, I decided to take control. At 18 I was much more self-aware, as well as less reliant on the views of others. I'd read so much about how exercise can be hugely beneficial to mental health and, as someone who'd been on the roller coaster of depression and SAD since a very young age, I decided enough was enough - I needed to give this a good try.

It wasn't plain sailing to start with; after purchasing my gym membership I found myself really nervous. It took me a good while to start feeling comfortable exercising in front of other people and I was terrified of making a fool of myself. I was also pretty clueless on what to do, sort of drifting around doing everything that didn't make me feel self-conscious. This was quite draining and the usual feelings of 'I'm not getting anywhere', or 'I'm never going to be good at this' started creeping back. However I knew that this time I just had to push through - there was no way I was going to give up for the millionth time.

I started doing some research, and although to begin with it all felt quite overwhelming, I was surprised to notice that I was actually making some progress. Over the weeks and months, I structured my own routines and adapted them whenever it felt necessary. After those tough first few weeks, I found myself enjoying and even looking forward to those 3 or 4 gym sessions each week; they were fast becoming my little escape from the stresses of life. I find now that even the drive there and back feels like part of that me-time; 30 minutes alone with your thoughts can be incredibly therapeutic.

Eventually I started seeing some changes in my body, but the more prominent changes were in my mind. My head felt so much clearer, and it showed. I went from getting Us and Es at college to getting As across the board - I almost fully credit exercise for this. As well as the clearer head, going to the gym was giving me the energy I needed to work harder at college. Energy is certainly not something that comes easily to me; the first thing I notice when my mental health starts declining is tiredness. Furthermore, the small changes in my body started benefitting me mentally as well; I've become much more body confident. The process of seeing muscles slowly forming, and my body shaping the way I want it to is so empowering. Mental illness can cause you to feel as though you have no control over yourself, so to actually be able to look at my reflection in the mirror and say 'you know what, I can do whatever I want' feels amazing. There's truly nothing like the feeling of watching yourself lifting a heavier weight; knowing that you're physically strong certainly has a knock-on effect on your mental strength.

In no way am I trying to suggest that exercise alone is enough to 'cure' a mental illness, because of course it's not that simple. I still take medication to give me a helping hand, and I still have my down days. However, exercising has hands down been the smartest decision of my life. I now feel more balanced and healthy than I ever have done, and I can't imagine going back to a life without my workouts. In the past, I was incredibly sceptical about whether exercise could ever be as magical as people said it was, but I can firmly say I've proven to myself that it can be. It has transformed me completely in mind and is steadily transforming my body, too. Despite the fact that one size doesn't fit all as far as what works, I strongly believe that exercising, (as long as you're doing it for the right reasons), has the power to turn lives around completely.

The darker side of dreaming

Anyone who follows my private Twitter is probably aware of my fascination with the unconscious mind, and the people who know me in person will definitely be used to hearing about my dream adventures, which are imaginative to say the least. My interest in this area of psychology was deepened when I was prescribed a medication which seems to cause me to have very vivid dreams. I always have at least 1 memorable dream each night, but sometimes even 2 or 3. Since being very young, my mind has been quite strange in regards to sleep; my family have told me stories of how I used to have night terrors as a child, often sitting up and staring into the corner of the room in my sleep (sounds like something from Paranormal Activity, I know). I've also been known to partake in a bit of sleepwalking/talking every now and then. For as long as I can remember, I've regularly experienced false awakenings, and on a few occasions, sleep paralysis. Unfortunately these are part of the darker side of the dream world. I thought it might be interesting to share my experiences of these, and see if anyone has had anything similar happen to them.

False awakenings

False awakenings are pretty much self-explanatory. They occur when you feel as though you've woken up, but are actually still asleep and dreaming. There are 2 types of false awakening. Type 1 is the most common of the 2 and occurs when you 'wake up' and feel as though everything is normal. You may get out of bed, brush your teeth, have breakfast and get dressed, but in reality you're still in your bed asleep. Although certain things may not be completely 'normal', you won't really notice and will genuinely believe that you're awake and in your usual surroundings. A type 2 false awakening is less common and more distressing, as you will 'wake up' and sense that something is wrong, without being able to pinpoint exactly what. The dream will have an atmosphere of suspense, which is particularly frightening because you genuinely believe you're awake. Sometimes a person will 'wake up' seemingly normally, and a feeling of tension, and an awareness of something not being right will gradually creep up, eventually causing them to awaken in a stressed state[1]. This is the sort of false awakening I usually experience. When I was younger, I used to get the same false awakening very regularly. I would 'wake up' in my bed, and everything seemed normal. I would then get up and walk over to the light, but when I went to switch it on an overwhelming sense of dread would consume me. This was heightened as I pressed the switch and the light did not turn on. At this point I suddenly became aware that I was in the same distressing false awakening I'd experience before, which would cause me to panic further. At this point I would collapse and feel like I was being 'swallowed up' by the floor, before waking up in a very distressed state with my heart racing. More recently I've started having a false awakening which varies slightly each time, but has the same basis. I will 'wake up' in my bed and immediately feel a very sinister atmosphere, and will attempt to get to my parent's room. I will sort of be aware by this point that I'm dreaming, but will be unable to wake myself up. My muddled brain somehow thinks that if I get to my parents room I can ask them to wake me up. However, of course even if I could get there, they wouldn't be able to wake me up because in reality I'd still be asleep in my bed. In the dream/false-awakening, I try to get out of bed but end up falling to the floor, and then start trying to crawl out of the room, but I only seem to be flailing around on the spot. Usually at this point some sort of scary thing starts happening in my room and I can't get out. I then sometimes seem to get back in bed and go back to sleep, only for the same thing to happen again. Then when I wake up from this other dream, I'm actually only back in the first dream. This experience is especially scary because there can be loads of 'layers' of dreams (dreams within dreams within dreams), and it's difficult to tell when I have actually woken up in real life.

The most useful mechanism I've found as far as avoiding false awakenings is to do 'reality checks' regularly - both when dreaming and in real life, so it naturally becomes easier to distinguish between the two. Eventually it will become second nature and you will find yourself automatically doing them during the false awakenings, making it easier for you to realise that you aren't actually awake. Useful reality checks include:

1. Reading - I find this one the most useful. You will find that during dreams it's really hard to read; letters tend to looked blurred or jumbled. Alternatively if you read something, look away and then go to read it again, the writing will likely have changed.


2. Breathing - If you can hold your nose and mouth shut and still breathe, you are (obviously) dreaming.


3. Hands and reflection - Do your hands and reflection look different or distorted when you look at them up close?

Once you've used reality checks and established that you are dreaming, you can either attempt to wake yourself up, or if you're feeling adventurous wander into the world of lucid dreaming. Personally I've only managed to do this once, as the shock of realising you're dreaming is usually enough to wake you up.

Sleep paralysis

Sleep paralysis essentially happens when your mind wakes up, but your body doesn't. When our body enters deep REM sleep, the body becomes paralysed and usually when we wake up, this obviously stops. However, during sleep paralysis, we seemingly wake up as normal, but the body is still in this paralysed state. I'm no expert but from what I've gathered, this is essentially what causes it (in simple terms).  To add to the stress of being unable to move, many people suffer hallucinations whilst in sleep paralysis, sensing or seeing an evil presence in the room. Sleep paralysis is something I've experienced a few times, but the most recent time was the worst as it lasted significantly longer.

My first few experiences of sleep paralysis are quite distant in my memory. When I was a kid I used to sleep with my bedroom door open with a view onto the landing and the top of the stairs. I remember once waking up and seeing a witch running down the landing and to the top of the stairs, before turning round, looking at me and then running round the corner and down the stairs. I can't remember whether I could move or not because it was very brief, but as an 'old hag' or a 'witch' is a common hallucination associated with sleep paralysis, I think it may have been sleep paralysis. There have been various other occasions where I have woken up laid on my side, completely unable to move and heard a loud whispering from right behind me, in my ear. I can't remember exactly what the whispering said, but nonetheless it was pretty scary. The last time I had sleep paralysis was much more recently, and after a night out, so it was probably induced by alcohol. I believe it was actually a mixture between a false awakening and sleep paralysis. I'd been having a really intense nightmare which I kept waking up from and then going back into, and then on one of these occasions I thought I would check my phone when I 'woke up' to distract me from the nightmare and hopefully stop me from falling back into it. So I woke up, reached down for my phone, but when I looked at it there was just a jumble of letters on the screen. It felt very real but because I was unable to read (as mentioned above) it was probably a false awakening. I then laid back on my bed and not long after I woke up for real, but I couldn't move at all (except for my eyes). I then saw my Mam come into my room and I sensed that she knew something was wrong. She then lent over me and started shaking my shoulders, trying to get me out of whatever state I was in. Then to my horror, her face morphed into the face of a demon which continued to shake me. This carried on for a good while, the face morphing between the face of my Mam, and that of the demon, until my body eventually woke up. It was hands down one the most terrifying moments of my life, and afterwards I was so confused and scared to go to sleep for weeks. I eventually realised that my Mam had never even been into my room that morning, so the whole thing was a hallucination which accompanied the sleep paralysis, despite it feeling so real.

Luckily, since that last time, I've learnt a few little tricks to get myself out of sleep paralysis. I think the strategies on this site http://dreamstudies.org/2010/04/29/9-ways-to-wake-up-from-sleep-paralysis/ are the most useful and seem to get the best results, however I myself have only used them to get out of nightmares so far, rather than sleep paralysis. If you ever find yourself in sleep paralysis, I think the most important thing to remember is not to panic. Remember that however scary it is, it's essentially harmless, and it will always end however much it may not feel that way.

Wow, this has been quite a long post! One last quick thing I'd like to add is that if you're as interested in the world of sleep as me I would highly recommend the app 'Dream Moods'. You can basically use it to type in different things you see or do in your dreams and it interprets them for you. I really believe in dream interpretation, and consulting with my unconscious has actually helped me figure out some pretty tough situations before. It's amazing how much is actually on the app - even the most obscure things! I would say it's definitely worth a try; I use it every day without fail as soon as I wake up!

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[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_awakening#Types

What is health?

Nowadays more than ever, we see the word 'health' banded around everywhere. 20 years ago it was much simpler; eat your 5 a day, visit the dentist every 6 months, do a bit of exercise and that was about it. However recently, the concept of health is becoming more confusing by the day. Surrounded by conflicting studies regarding what is and isn't good for us, and the millions of health related hashtags, from #eatclean to #vegan to #mindbodysoul. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels a little overwhelmed by it all.

But what actually is health? I think nowadays, the definition is less of a fixed ideal and more of a personal opinion. After a great deal of pondering over this question, I have come up with my personal definition of what healthy looks like. I will always hold onto the belief that 'health' is quite simply, an even balance of wellbeing in both mind and body. It's quite easy to think of the word health and put it all down to physical components; what we eat, how much we exercise and so on, but I don't think it's quite that simple. My reasoning for coming to this conclusion comes down to my most solid belief that the body is much more reliant on the mind than we're led to believe, and vice versa. One of these components cannot be in complete peace without the wellbeing of the other.

For example, if you were to line up 10 people in order of physical fitness, it would be easy to simply assume that the fittest person is the most healthy. This may well be the case. However, what if this person is also unhappy? What if they live their life beating themselves up whenever they make an unhealthy food choice? What if the reason they work out so much is because they have low self-esteem, or body image issues? I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone who is physically fit and healthy deals with these issues, this is simply a hypothetical example. If that person, who on the surface appears to be very healthy, does not also have a healthy mind, then are they really as healthy as they appear to be? Personally, I would argue not. I would argue that someone who lives a reasonably active lifestyle and eats healthily a good proportion of the time, but doesn't feel guilty about treating themselves to a biscuit or two with their cup of tea or a takeaway every now and then, is probably more healthy overall. That balance of a having a forgiving attitude towards yourself mentally, whilst also taking reasonably good care of you body is, I believe, a very healthy approach.

The reason I describe my definition of health as a balance between mind and body, is because I think they key is to put similar amounts of effort into working on each. Each individual will differ in how much energy they need to focus on each; but regardless of personal proportions, I think focusing TOO much energy on either of these areas can be detrimental to health, rather than beneficial. Focusing solely on physical health may be damaging to mental health, as it can cause temptations, guilt or negative body image, for example. On the flipside, if you're only focusing your time on caring for your mental health, your physical health may decline. A decline in physical health will likely drag your mental health down further, causing a vicious cycle. I know for me, if I'm not looking after myself both physically and mentally, my overall wellbeing completely crumbles.

I came to my definition of health through my own learning curve. For many years I really struggled to keep myself happy and healthy, and I'm sure it's because I was not taking a holistic enough approach. At times I focused completely on my mental health, and thus my physical health suffered. On the flipside, there have been times when I've believed that taking care of my physical health was the key to my overall wellbeing, and this was another mistake. At my lightest weight, and at the point I probably physically looked the 'healthiest' I'd ever been, I actually wasn't, because my life was fuelled by guilt and constant worry over how I looked.

In a nutshell, everyone's definition of healthy is different, but I think it's important to figure out what your personal definition is. From my point of view, it's all about balance and loving yourself. Love yourself by working out a few days a week and eating your veggies, but also love yourself by having that amazing looking cake or pizza, or taking a day off when you're ill. Love your body and your mind, and don't let one overshadow the other. Eventually you will find your perfect balance.

How to reset your motivation

Unless you're some kind of superhuman, I think motivation (or more specifically lack of), is a problem that affects us all from time to time. For me this has been a huge issue in the past, and it seems to become a vicious cycle; your motivation dips, which reduces productivity, which reduces motivation even more, and so on. The longer we let this cycle continue, the harder it becomes to break. Luckily, over my many years of demotivation and self-pity, I've discovered a few strategies that help me break free from the dreaded motivational block. Here are my top 3 strategies for claiming back your motivation:

1. Lists.

This is my number one secret weapon when it comes to regaining my motivation. I think one of the biggest factors that contribute to losing our drive is feeling like everything is too much. For me at least, feeling like I have more to do than I can handle causes me to shut everything out, not wanting to do anything at all. When you feel like something is impossible, your brain starts thinking 'well what's the point', causing you to feel physically and mentally deflated. When I find myself in this situation, the first thing I'll do is write lists - as many as I need, literally just write every single thing down. I find it helps to put everything down on paper because it gets it out of your head, helping you to think more clearly. It's surprising how motivating having a list is; it makes things seem much simpler because once you have it down, you can just work through it one at a time without the added stress of juggling everything in your mind. Don't think about the next thing, just go through it one by one at whatever pace works for you and soon enough, once you realise your productivity is increasing, that motivation will creep back too. I find the feeling of crossing things off to-do lists so motivating. It's up to you how you do your lists - personally I like to make them all fancy and colour-coded, but whatever works best for you.

2. Reset and restart.

This is another really effective strategy I use. Sometimes, the 'I'll start tomorrow' excuse can actually be useful (as long as you're not doing it every day)! A lot of the time running out of motivation is due to burning out and doing too much. This causes stress, which in turn causes the 'head in the sand' sort of attitude that comes with lack of motivation. In this case, I often just say to myself 'chill out, and start a fresh tomorrow'. When you're feeling demotivated, there's sometimes nothing better than having a cuppa and a long bath, reading a book and getting a good nights sleep to change your mind-set and revive your energy. Get relaxed and rested, get up in the morning with a (hopefully) fresh attitude, write yourself some to-do lists and get going.

3. Think of the bigger picture

In other cases, lack of motivation can be caused by the feeling that all your efforts are 'getting you nowhere'. When this happens, I find it helpful to take a breather and a step back, and look at the bigger picture. Working out is a great example of this. Day to day, you don't particularly see results. Personally, this can sometimes leave me feeling a little bit deflated; to put your absolute all into your gym sessions and feel like you're getting nothing from it is really disheartening. At this point, I motivate myself by looking at the big picture. I get my progress pictures up and soon realise that I of course HAVE made progress, it's just a slow process and you don't notice every tiny bit of extra muscle or loss of fat. I think this technique can benefit in so many situations. For example at college you may be in the habit of thinking 'I won't do this exam question, it's only one question, it won't make a difference'. However in the long run, doing one becomes two, and two becomes four, and so on, and you realise that a series of small progressions leads to a much bigger progression. In other words - the bigger picture. Remember that every small action counts and allow that to give meaning to all those stupid little tasks you don't want to do because they feel 'pointless'.

How horror movies can ease anxiety

To even entertain the thought that horror movies can temporarily alleviate anxiety seems ridiculous; it completely defies logic. When you think of films like The Conjuring, Insidious or Sinister, the first things that come to mind are nightmares, lying awake at night and spending half an hour plucking up the courage to go to the toilet. So how could something so fear-inducing actually be calming to anyone?

It seems though, that this might actually be the case. Personally, I've always gained a strange sense of comfort from watching horror movies. I never really thought much of it until a few months ago, when I read somewhere that this is not actually uncommon. From then on I was intrigued, and after bringing up the subject to other people who deal with with anxiety, this theory was confirmed further.

After thinking more deeply about the reasons behind this, I think I may have came up with an explanation; for me at least, I think this makes some sense. For many people, anxiety is a relatively constant thing, although it of course ranges in severity and type. From my own perspective, anxiety seems to be at it's worst when the brain is least occupied. However as any fan will know, good horror films evoke an intense level of focus. I think this focus is key. Although the viewer is scared and anxious, their fear is very specifically related to the movie. Firstly, that fact that our anxiety is pinpointed to one specific 'thing' can be comforting as it (even just for a little while) blocks out the masses of other things to worry about. The anxious mind can be overwhelming, and to be able to pinpoint your thoughts to one specific thing, and be physically unable to think about anything else, can make your mind feel less 'full' and thus in a weird way, more relaxed.

I think the type of fear provided by a scary movie is also significant. Anxiety that comes with daily life feels very real; the whole concept of anxiety is generally the belief that some awful thing actually is, or is going to happen. However, when we are frightened by a film we can usually rationalise it; although we are scared, we are aware that it's not a legitimate fear. It's a type of scary that is much more manageable. I think of it as being similar to the fear we feel in nightmares; even if something terrible is happening, because our brain is somewhat aware it's not a real threat, the fear is much less intense than real-life fear. The combination of your whole attention being forced to focus on the film (most horror movies use suspense, which only makes this focus greater), and the fact that the anxiety caused by the movie is a 'safe' sort of fear, can be a combination that gives a welcome respite to the constantly anxious mind.

Hypnosis: My experience

Anyone who knows me well enough will be aware of my fear of planes; with my biggest phobias being heights and  confined spaces I guess it's understandable. Strangely I haven't always had this fear, however when all my anxiety issues started, it slowly became more and more of a problem. Ultimately, I became so scared of both flying and simply being out of the country that I felt there was no way I could set foot on a plane.

As a family who regularly went on holidays together, it was a huge problem. In the stage where I could still force myself to go, I felt awful the entire time - just incredibly anxious. One of the last holidays I went on was to Tenerife; I really wanted to enjoy it but it was so difficult. I knew that all of the anxiety stemmed from the flying, but it seemed to plague me constantly, even in completely unrelated ways. I was convinced something terrible was going to happen.

After Tenerife I decided I couldn't do it again. I was gutted but knew I couldn't stand to put myself through so much anxiety. It had got to the point where I would dread going on holiday in the weeks and months beforehand, instead of being excited. However, my Mam came home one day and said she had been talking to someone who'd suggested hypnotherapy. As quite an alternative therapy, I'd never really considered it before, but after researching and hearing about all the phobias it has seemingly cured and the smokers who have quit after a 60 minute session, I was intrigued.

I found a hypnotherapist nearby and booked my first session. On the day I didn't know what to expect, but still felt hopeful. Being a huge Derren Brown fan, I really do believe hypnosis can be a powerful tool. The first appointment was just an assessment; deciding what I hoped to get out of the therapy and how that could be done. The second session was the first time I would actually experience hypnosis. As I was led into the office and sat down on a big, comfy chair I was so nervous. The therapist put one of those little clips on my finger (I think they measure heart rate) and said this was so she could tell when I'd gone into hypnosis. Once I'd got comfortable, she put some calm music on in the background and started speaking. Honestly, to start with I was sat there trying not to laugh - it felt so awkward. I really struggled to relax and keep my eyes closed, but eventually I started feeling calmer. 

Fuelled by eccentric stage performers, I think there's a misconception that hypnosis is this really weird, mystical thing - I guess this is why so many people don't believe it's even real. In reality, it's just a very deeply relaxed state of mind, which allows you to delve into your subconscious and 'rewire' things. However scared I was beforehand, it really isn't frightening at all. From what I've heard, everyone experiences hypnosis in a different way. For me I felt completely normal, but just incredibly relaxed. I noticed a slight tingling feeling in my feet and kind of felt as though I was sinking into the chair, but apart from that I didn't feel anything weird at all. I was completely aware of my surroundings and everything that was being said to me. One thing that shocked me, though, is that at the end of the session the hypnotherapist asked me how long I thought I'd been there, to which I answered 10 minutes. In reality, I'd been there for an hour - apparently it's quite common for time to seemingly move a lot faster when under hypnosis.

If I remember rightly, I had two follow up sessions. In one of these I was taught how to carry out self-hypnosis. This was absolutely fascinating and definitely the most valuable thing I got from the experience. This is a technique I still often use today, sometimes to calm myself but usually just because I enjoy it - it's incredibly relaxing and leaves you feeling so refreshed. It's actually really easy to learn, and I've got quite good at it now; I can immediately recognise when it's working as I get that tell-tale tingling in my feet.

If I cut to the chase, ultimately hypnotherapy did not 'cure' my phobia of flying. Afterwards, I did feel very positive and got on a plane to go to Austria. I was absolutely fine on the way there, even relaxed enough to take pictures whilst landing. Unfortunately, on the flight home the anxiety all came flooding back, which was really disappointing. However despite not achieving my original goal,  I'm definitely glad I tried hypnotherapy, even just for the experience and knowledge of self-hypnosis, which has been so useful to me.

Why we should stop waiting for 'the right time'

We've all been there; sat thinking about what we want to achieve, and how amazing it will be when we do it. I'd love to count the number of times I've psyched myself up ready to smash my goals, but when it comes down to it I've just come up with excuse after excuse, essentially ending up achieving nothing.

The biggest excuse (lie) I have told myself over and over again is 'it's not the right time', 'I'll do it once exams are over' or 'I'll do it in the new year'. I doubt I'm the only one who's said this to themselves, for the simple reason that it 'not being the right time' is an incredibly versatile excuse, that can be used whenever we want. Here's the thing though - we always have something we're busy with. We rationalise our putting off of activities by thinking that after something in particular is finished, we'll have a clear schedule and the timing will be perfect. The stars will align, everything will fall into place and we will easily achieve our goals. However, I guarantee this is a plan that will never work, because however much we plan for life, the 'right time' never comes. Really it's just a lie we tell ourselves as a cover-up; simply to make us feel better and to justify why we're not doing what we want to be doing. The simple reality is, we're not doing it because we don't want to. We're not doing it because although the idea seems great, when it comes down to it we realise that the thing we want to achieve is actually not that easy. We say it's not the right time because we are giving up before we've even begun.

Of course, there is a simple solution to this predicament - just do it. That thing that you've been putting off for months or even years because now's not the right time; because you'll do it after exams, or you'll start on Monday. Get up right now, and do it. I think half of the time we put things off so we can keep the idealistic image of how great it will be. In a way, it's a method of protecting ourselves from disappointment. However, everything worth doing takes time, effort and often a hell of a lot of frustration or disappointment. By putting things off I think we're subconsciously trying to protect ourselves from this, whereas in reality it only makes us more frustrated. So next time you're sat there thinking 'I will start the gym next year' or 'I will start revising on Monday', put aside the excuses and ask yourself if there really is any reason you can't do it now.

Standing up and just going for it can be a daunting prospect, but I guarantee the alternative is much scarier. However busy you are, if you have an ambition it's so important to make time for it; you will thank yourself in the future.

Mental illness: My story

Somewhere deep down, I always knew I was a bit different. I wanted to write about this - my story from start to the present day, because I recently realised that despite my few years of mental health campaigning, I've never written a detailed account of where my passion comes from.

Even as a small child, I suspected that I felt things more deeply than most people of my age. It never took a lot to make me cry and looking back, I'm sure my anxiety levels were much higher than they should have been. Once I was actually diagnosed at the age of 16, my mental health issues were put into the bracket of depression, although they have manifested themselves in a range of different forms over the years. It's kind of been a random mashup of depression, SAD, different types of anxiety and phobias. As I've already mentioned, it started out primarily as anxiety. As a small child I remember having anxiety about going to school - there were days up until being about 8 or 9 where the thought of going would be so upsetting to me. I would occasionally have to be physically carried into school. I suppose this to some extent is quite normal for a young child, but I never really grew out of the anxiety; it just transferred itself to different situations. By the age of about 9 I had developed a complete and utter phobia of buses - more specifically of travel sickness. Travel sickness is something I've always suffered with, but in this situation I think it was a vicious cycle. The anxiety made me feel sick hours or even days before I knew I had to get on a bus, so on the day I thought 'I'm already ill so I definitely can't go on the bus or I'll be more ill'. The next time the memory made the fear even stronger. I got myself so worked up that even on short bus journeys I would often end up being sick.

However, it was only when I started secondary school that my issues really began to interfere with my life regularly. At the beginning of year 7 I got really ill - just being sick all the time. I was so scared of being sick at school and so had a lot of time off in my first term there. I would often get into school but end up throwing up and having to go home. It was a complete mystery illness at the time; I lost a lot of weight but when I went to the doctors, they couldn't find anything wrong. Looking back, it's blatantly obvious to me that it was all anxiety. Deep down, I was terrified of going to school, which was making me feel sick. My mind was telling me that the sickness was causing the anxiety, but in reality is was the other way round. It seems crazy that I had no idea, but I know all too well how your mind can play tricks on you, in an effort to protect you from the truth.

From this, my health continued to steadily decline. It's so strange to think that it never occurred to me that I may actually have a mental illness, when looking back it is so clear; I was incredibly sensitive and in tears almost every day for years. This is why I believe mental health education from a young age is vital, and I will always stick by this belief. Whenever I've brought this up before, teachers have shied away from it because it's deemed as too heavy a topic for very young children. However I believe it doesn't have to be scary; there are ways to present mental health education in an age-appropriate manner. I would also argue that a child growing up as I did, convinced that they are just 'pathetic', is vastly more scary.

At the age of 15, things took a real turn for the worst. A variety of factors really triggered something in me, and I just fell into complete despair. I isolated myself every day and barely even spoke to my friends for about a year. At the worst point, I felt completely detached from my body. It was the weirdest feeling and it's probably hard to imagine unless you've felt it yourself. The best way I can describe it is that it was as though I was floating above my body - not living my life, but just observing it. I couldn't feel anything at all. I could see myself walking around, and hear myself talking, but it wasn't me that was doing it. I think it was my mind's way of trying to protect me from feeling so depressed, but it was counterproductive. For me, feeling nothing was so much worse than feeling awful. Expressing what you feel is how you heal, and not being able to feel what you need to is actually indescribably frustrating. I used to try to make myself cry because I needed to get the emotions out, but I just couldn't make myself feel anything. I was so detached from my own life that I can barely remember that year at all - it's completely lost. My one vivid memory is standing in front of the mirror at college one day and physically jumping, because I didn't recognise my own reflection. I eventually plucked up the courage and went to my GP, because by this point I knew what I was experiencing was not at all normal. However, it was completely brushed off and I was told that every teenager feels this way - it was devastating. I actually wanted something to be wrong; if something was actually wrong with me, measures could be taken to make it better, but if what I was experiencing was deemed as normal, I essentially just had to live with it. I knew in my heart something was seriously wrong, but was so defeated I just buried my head in the sand.

When I was 17, I was suddenly hit with an awful anxiety related to my health. I don't want to go into details about this because, of everything, I actually find this the hardest thing to talk about. It was so strong that it actually caused some of the physical things in my body which I was worried about to happen. This is the one experience that cemented my belief that mental and physical health are so closely connected. My health was constantly on my mind. At about the same time I started getting into strange habits of repeating phrases in my head and touching certain objects at certain times because it temporarily eased my anxiety. I knew logically it made no difference to anything, but it felt as though it 'balanced' things in my head somehow. However the immediate sense of comfort these actions gave me never lasted long, and at the worst point I was doing them hundreds of times a day. It was very easy to hide because it was mostly just silently saying words in my head, but it meant my head always felt 'full', it was so frustrating and impossible to concentrate. This is a habit I managed to cut down on massively, although I still to this day repeat a set of phrases in my head every night before I sleep. It's so ingrained in me that I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to stop doing it - but it doesn't really affect my life much anymore, so it doesn't particularly bother me. Like I said, the anxiety I was experiencing also caused physical symptoms, which just fed the anxiety even further, so it turned into a vicious cycle. It was at this point I decided to go to a different GP, armed with everything I had experienced written down in my phone. I was a lot more prepared and made sure I really put across how miserable these issues were making my life. This time, I was taken seriously; I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication - and was already having counselling at school.

Since then, it's been a constant journey and I can honestly say that not a single day has gone by where I haven't learnt something new about myself. I've tried tons of different treatments; medications, counselling, CBT and hypnotherapy to name a few. I've had so many issues with side effects of medications (one of which almost ruined my A-Levels). I've lost count of the number of times I have fought to get myself better and then completely gone back on myself. However, every time it happens, I eventually pick myself up and it strengthens me. I used to get frustrated with myself for letting things slip over and over again, but I've found that a better way of looking at things is from a 'what will be, will be' stance. Taking every day one at a time and trying to stay focused on being well, but not torturing myself if I go downhill again. At the end of the day, falling down and making mistakes are a vital part of the process of learning how to heal. I think mental health issues are often seen as something that somebody gets, recovers from and then it's left behind and forgotten about. From my point of view, I don't believe in that; I think it takes constant work. I don't think there will ever be a day in my life where I don't have to consciously decide to keep working on my health. I think recovery from mental illness is not a destination to be reached, but a constant state of making the right choices for yourself, and of knowing what to do if things do start to decline again. Nowadays I don't really put myself in a bracket of 'this is what I have' and 'these are the clinical symptoms I have', because it's never been that black and white for me. I simply have come to the conclusion that I feel the same feelings as everyone else, it's just that whatever emotion I feel, it's to the extreme. I am either happy as hell or everything is terrible, and every situation that provokes an emotion, that emotion is without fail, so intense. Part of me hates this, but another part of me thinks what a beautiful thing it is to be able to feel everything so deeply. The year where I felt nothing at all makes me - in a strange way - grateful for my excess of emotion now.

At this point in my life, in a strange sort of way, I feel grateful for everything that has happened. It has made me incredibly self-aware, determined and ambitious in a way that I don't think I ever would have been, had I not experienced all of this. Weirdly, it's sculpted me into a much more positive person; I think when you have seen such catastrophic lows, it makes you more grateful for everything that is good in life. Although never in quite as much detail as this, I have told this story so many times now. Each time I feel more comfortable revealing more and more, because as I continually grow I become more at peace with my past. I worry that speaking about this so much makes me look self-absorbed, but I don't tell my story to generate attention for myself. I tell it to generate attention towards mental health. My input is small and although my personal story may not reach many, if it can encourage one other person to be open about their struggles, or to reach out for help if they're struggling right now, then surely it's worth putting it out there. I've always said this, but in a way I feel as though I was dealt this card in life so I could work through it, and then turn it into a positive and help others. I think the sharing of personal stories is one of the most powerful tools in mental health awareness. Sometimes it's hard to put into words how you feel, but the more people who share their experiences, the more likely it is that somebody will read something that strikes a chord with them, and suddenly they will realise they're not alone. If that hope makes me attention-seeking or self-absorbed, then so be it.