5 things my Dad taught me

I think it's safe to say the last month or so has been a difficult one. After my Dad died in August, adapting to such a huge change in life has been really weird and frankly, confusing. For me at least, it's more than anything been a period of reflection; I don't think you realise how much of an impact a person has on you until they're no longer around. It was this that made me start thinking about everything my Dad taught me; it's amazing how he shaped my life in so many incredible ways. Honestly, this list could be way longer, but here are just the top five wonderful lessons that my Dad taught me.

1) To never be afraid to stick up for myself.

Being a relatively shy person, speaking out and standing up for myself has never been easy. In fact, shy or otherwise, I think this is something a lot of us struggle with; the fear (or hassle) of confrontation easily pushes us towards settling for less than we deserve. Growing up, and seeing the way my Dad always boldly stood up for what he believed was right and fair, certainly taught me a thing or two about making sure I'm treated with respect.

2) That grades don't mean as much as attitude.

As a younger child, I was a perfectionist to say the least. From an early age, I was almost obsessed with doing well at school, and developed an unhealthy tendency to compare my achievements with those of others. My Dad always knew this insecurity of mine, and regularly reassured me that grades really meant very little in comparison to attitude and work ethic. He certainly practised what he preached in this respect. At a young age my Dad left school without sitting any exams, to work as a miner, as many boys in his local area did. However after a few years, he decided he wanted to become a police officer. Through sheer determination and hard graft, rather than amazing academic achievements at school, he did just that. The fact that my Dad managed to have such a successful career doing what he loved, despite not being 'academic', really shaped my perspectives; I'm now much gentler on myself when it comes to grades. Dad proved to me, and always reminded me, that academics are only a part of, rather than the definition of success.

3) That actions speak louder than words.

Anyone who knew my Dad will know that he wasn't the 'emotional type' as such. He would rarely directly say "I love you" or anything along those lines, but he had ways of making it clear without even having to say a word. It was little things like always being the 'soft touch' parent when my brother and I were young, or the way he would always say "watch what you're doing" whenever we left the house as we got older. In fact, even near the end of his illness, he would never fail to tell us to watch what we were doing and to text him when we got home, every time we left the hospital. It's so easy for someone to say that they love you, but the actions that accompany or even replace that are much more meaningful and telling.

4) To never speak down to anyone.

I always used to love listening to Dad's stories about his time as a police officer. What always spoke volumes to me was that in every tale he told there was always one common theme; he would never say a bad word about anyone. It was obvious that in his job, he'd never speak down to people. He didn't ever see himself as any 'better' than anyone else, and I know he was really respected for it. This was one of the biggest lessons of my life; it made me realise that nobody is any 'higher up' than anyone else, and that most importantly we're all just human beings with our own unique lives, stories and experiences.

5) To live life to the full and take nothing for granted.

As anyone who knew my Dad will know, he was very much a 'live in the moment' sort of person, and he would always say "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." It was a phrase that if I'm honest, I never truly understood the meaning of until he was gone. No matter what card life had dealt him, he was always 100% positive, even when things were really bleak. He dealt with things in an almost superhuman way, and his catchphrase was 'crack on' (often accompanied with a smile and wink), no matter how trivial, or how heavy, the issue he was dealing with was.

Autumn/Winter health goals

Ok so if I'm honest, this post is more about keeping me motivated rather than anything else! Firstly, let me get real here - over the past few months I have gained quite a hefty amount of weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm generally not bothered about weight. In fact, providing I'm feeling fit and healthy, I rarely bother to get the scales out at all. Unfortunately over the past few months, despite keeping my efforts up in the gym, a LOT of comfort food has been consumed! All in all I would say I've gained about a stone in the past few months. 

Firstly, I'm in no way beating myself up about this weight gain/slip in my habits. All that lovely comfort food was bloody amazing and well needed, and I don't regret a single bite. However, now I have a bit more time on my hands, it feels right to get my habits back into check. I'm realising now that I don't feel as healthy and energetic as I would like to. Although I'm feeling confident and accepting of my heavier body, I would like to lose a few pounds and get myself back into a healthier shape.

My ultimate goal is to lose 20lbs by Christmas, bringing me back to a healthier weight for my size. This works out at 1.5lbs per week. This is, I think, a doable and maintainable goal. I may tweak this and end up sticking at a slightly higher weight if I get to a point where I think 'yeah, this is right for me'. I say this because I have previously fallen into the trap of losing a lot of weight and ending up in a situation where I'm battling to stay there, which is no fun. I really do believe there always needs to be a balance between sensible food choices and having a GOOD TIME (aka eating what you want without guilt).

Personally, I don't like the word 'diet', and I don't like to go on diets, as they quite frankly make me miserable and worried about the way I look. Due to this, my plan is to slightly reduce my portion sizes, think more carefully about snacking and track what I'm eating on the app 'Lifesum', which I've used before and absolutely love! Exercise shouldn't be an issue as I've been going to the gym regularly for almost a year now, so I'm already in good habits where that's concerned. The only thing I'm doing differently in that respect is adding some cardio to my routines, (which I prefer to avoid like the plague but hey, needs must).

Does anyone else have any goals in mind for the Winter/Christmas period? The next step for me is figuring out some sort of plan for next year. New Year is 100% my favourite time of the year; I think having my birthday on January 1st gives me an extra dose of the 'fresh start' vibes.

Update

I'm just going to be honest - I'm struggling to know what to say here. Anyone who reads my blog regularly will know I like to write posts which are generally positive and practical. However, it's also so important, probably above anything else, that the things I write are honest, direct from the heart and really reflect myself and my situation at the time. It's because of this that I'm having a bit of hard time thinking what to write. Positive is not coming too naturally at the moment, so it leaves me in a predicament. In a way I feel as though I either need to sacrifice positivity for honesty, or vice versa.

Just under a month ago, my Dad passed away following a 4 year battle with cancer. In general, I think I'm coping pretty well, I think the whole family are; keeping busy but being careful not to shut out the grief when it wants to be felt. 

Writing is my passion; I love everything about it. I love spilling out all of my thoughts onto a page and then sorting through them. I love making sense of the muddled up sentences I originally draft - organising them into something that is both readable and hopefully, interesting. It's surprising what editing a piece of writing can do for me; it's so much more than moulding it into a quality post. Seeing my thoughts, edited and neatly formed into a concise page of writing really helps me to process them.

It has taken me days to write just this small post, but doing so has made me realise that, although positive may be harder at the moment, I am still capable of blogging. Practical, I can do; I've learnt more life lessons in the past few months than in the rest of my life put together. Honest, I can definitely do, in fact I struggle to be anything but. And you know, in those two things, surely there is some positive too. Although it may be a little harder right now, I'm so ready to get writing again.

An insomiac's guide to sleeping soundly

Sleep - love it or loathe it, it's way more important than we tend to think. For some of us, a restful night's snoozing comes naturally, but for others it can feel like a minefield. Recently, whilst reading a Women's Health article on 'clean sleep', I was inspired to start paying more attention to my own habits.

As someone who has dealt with insomnia in the past, I know all too well how important sleep really is. It's definitely one of those things that you only realise are important when they're gone. Back when my sleeping problems were at their worst, I did a great deal of research into how to deal with the issue, and eventually did manage to improve my sleep quality massively. It took time and effort, but through the methods that follow, I went from getting around 4 hours of sleep (on a good day) to peacefully sleeping for 7 or more hours most nights. I've listed my methods in reverse order of their usefulness (in my opinion), so if you want to try a few but not all of them, I'd start with the ones at the bottom.

5. Self-hypnosis

Ok, I'll admit this does seem a bit out-there, and a few years ago I would've laughed at this suggestion too. Having said that, a few years ago I didn't really understand hypnosis. Ultimately, despite its connotations, hypnosis is not much more than a very deep state of relaxation. Whilst having hypnotherapy for a phobia, I was taught how to carry out self-hypnosis, and to this day it remains my tool of choice when I'm either very stressed or struggling to sleep. I would really recommend going in with an open mind and researching this further if you're having issues with with relaxation.

4. Prepare for the morning

If there's one thing that's bound to make sleeping more difficult, it's worrying about the million things you need to do in the morning. I find it so useful to make sure I'm fully prepared in advance. I'm not a morning person at all, so as well as aiding my sleep, it makes for a much less stressful morning. Make a list of the things you tend to worry about most in the mornings; this could be what to wear, what to have for breakfast or things to remember for work. Try to prepare as much as possible before going to sleep - write reminders, prepare breakfast in advance etc.

3. Bath/shower at night

Whether it's best to shower in the morning or at night has always been up for debate. Of course, there's arguments for each side, however if you're a troublesome sleeper I would argue the night-time option is more beneficial. Personally, a relaxing bath before bed really settles me down and prepares me for sleep. I always prefer a bath, but I don't think the method is actually that important, just go for whichever suits you. It's definitely the act of washing off the day and feeling fresh before bed that helps me snooze more soundly.

2. Declutter

The space in which you sleep is way more important than you may realise. For me at least, messy room = messy mind, 100%. It's quite a hard thing to describe, but it's as though all that clutter in the room represents the jumble of thoughts in my mind. Linking in to point 4, clutter can also cause stress more practically; you're more likely to be kept awake worrying where something is if your space isn't organised.

1. Technology cleanse

If I had to choose which technique alone is best when it comes to getting more quality sleep, I would go for this one every time. As far as I'm concerned, technology (especially social media) before bed is almost always a terrible idea. There's loads of opinions out there on exactly how long before bed you should put the tech down, but I try to stick to an hour, or even half an hour; I think this is an effective yet doable time-scale.

In conjunction with these methods, try to keep your sleep schedule pretty regular. It's also really useful to figure out roughly how many hours of sleep you need per night; both too little and too much can have a detrimental effect. Hopefully some of these methods can be useful, but remember that if you're really struggling with you sleeping it's important to go to your GP. Problems with sleep aren't always, but can be a result of an underlying condition like depression or anxiety.

Sweet dreams!

5 things blogging has taught me

Since it was recently the 6 month anniversary of my blog, I thought this would be a fitting post this week. Starting a blog was definitely an idea which I toyed with for ages before finally going for it, but each time I got serious I seemed to think of another way in which it could 'go wrong'. However, it's been a great 6 months and I can honestly say that finally getting my head down and doing it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Surprisingly, as well as providing me with the creative outlet I'd hoped for, my first 6 months of blogging have taught me some valuable life lessons. Here are the top 5 things blogging has taught me so far:

1) Authenticity is key

Before I started blogging myself, I never really understood how many people fake their stats, especially on social media. As a new blogger, it's so easy to get disheartened when you're working so hard yet not getting the views, but it's important to remember that it's not always going to be like that. We've probably all been tempted to 'cheat' in order to easily get more followers/likes on social media, but I've learnt now that it's so much more rewarding to work on genuine interaction and writing to the best of your ability. This way, you know that when somebody follows you, gives you a like or views your blog it's because they really do like what you're doing. Although the first few months can be frustrating at times, this is definitely a better way of doing things. Seeing your real progress as it happens is truly so fulfilling, even if it's a slow process.

2) The power of planning

Despite always being a bit of an organisation freak, I never fully understood the power of planning ahead until I started blogging. For the first few months, I kind of had a 'make it up as I go along' approach. However, I soon learnt the benefits of having at least a loose plan of what to post throughout the month. By forming a plan, it's easier to make sure topics are varied throughout the month. It's also easier to plan posts to fit around specific dates and themes over the year, as well as saving the time and stress of having to think of something to write on the spot. My general go-to now is to jot down ideas as they come to me (often at the strangest times), then plan things out more rigidly when I have a list of ideas to choose from. I find this to be a much easier method than trying to think of what to write on the spot, as it's incredibly difficult to force inspiration.

3) Invest in your passions

I'm by no means saying here that you need to spend money on something in order for it to be a success, but if you're setting out to do something that you're serious about, it's so important to really invest time, energy and potentially some money to get you started out. For me, I'd tried blogging so many times, but the thing that made me stick at it this time was buying a theme for my site. Seeing it looking so professional, and knowing that I'd spent money on it stopped me from giving up right away. It doesn't have to be money, but making sure you're truly invested in what you're doing is so useful when it comes to resilience and sticking power.

4) Quality over quantity

It's so easy in life to get caught up in numbers (see point 2), but blogging has made me realise that quality is far more important than quantity. I think in writing this is especially true. There have been a few instances now where I've cut down the frequency of my posts, for example over exams, because I've realised how much I hate the idea of not writing to the best of my ability simply to 'keep up'. This can definitely be applied to many areas of life; if you need to slow down in order to deliver your best work, it's much better to be honest rather than rushing and not doing things well.

5) Failure is nothing to be afraid of

This is a huge lesson I've learnt! My biggest fear when starting this blog was how embarrassing it would be if I just totally failed, but I've since realised that was such a silly fear to have. Whatever you're pursuing and however big the dream, just go for it! No matter how things pan out, you're winning just by working on your goals fearlessly. It's not about what anyone else thinks, it's about how following your passions and dreams makes you feel.

Why body confidence has nothing to do with the way you look

As a young teenager I, like so many, would constantly critique the way I looked. More to the point, I would obsess over other people's traits and how I wanted to look like them. Every day was, "I wish I had her curves" or "Why can't I have hair like that?" At this time, I viewed almost all aspects of life from a "why is the world so against me?" perspective, and my body image was certainly no exception. Everything was so unfair.

It took me years to realise why my opinion of my own body never improved. Everything I tried was to look better; I wore makeup to look less 'plain', I changed my haircut to try to look like someone else, and the amount of times I VOWED to 'eat healthier and exercise'. Of course, it never panned out that way. I expected to go out for a run, eat an apple and suddenly be this motivated, fit, gorgeous person. Looking back, the failure was inevitable, because no amount of exercise, make-up or veg can make you into a different person. Each time my efforts appeared to be in vain, I looked at things from the same perspective; "why me", "it is actually impossible for me to exercise", "why is it so easy for everybody else?" It was a completely toxic way of thinking.

Realising my mistake was a slow and indirect process, which came about when I joined the gym (for the third time) in October of last year. Readying myself for the worst months of SAD*, I was adamant it wasn't going to get the best of me this time. Over the years I had learnt the most powerful tool for me mentally is to take good care of my all-round health. To my surprise, for the first time ever, I found committing to the gym relatively easy. For a while I couldn't figure out why, but eventually realised it was because - in contrast to every previous attempt - I was adopting healthier habits to feel better, rather than to look different. And there was another unexpected side effect; my body confidence began to soar. At first I thought this was odd, seen as I didn't look drastically different from when I started out.

However it eventually dawned on me that I had begun to see my body as something strong, powerful and capable. My body was no longer something to be looked at and judged, but something with a purpose and a job. That job is keeping me healthy. In time, I realised that all of my past insecurities are really nothing to worry about at all. For example, I used to get so hung up on my shoulders being wide and a bit out of proportion. Now my perspective has totally changed; it dawned on me that despite having quite a big chest considering my 5'2 frame, I have never suffered with back pain as a result. Having broader, strong shoulders has almost certainly helped with this. This simple shift towards realising that your unique features are about much more than the way they look, is so empowering. Just think for a second about all our bodies do for us; if we get a cut, a sprain, or an illness, our body immediately gets to work to try to heal us. It really is all about perspective, and viewing your body as something functional rather than aesthetic, something to work with rather than against, can strangely make you so much happier with it all round. Not at a certain size or shape or weight, but however it happens to look when it is helping you to feel happy, healthy and strong.

*Seasonal Affective Disorder

My ultimate stress-free revision timetable strategy

In hindsight, this post may have been better done a bit earlier, as by this point we're almost into the full swing of exams. However, if you haven't yet created yourself a revision timetable, it most definitely isn't too late to do so!

Having sat more exams than I can count over the years, I'm no stranger to the dreaded annual exam-related stress out. However, I've always known that - for me at least - organisation is often the most effective antidote to stress. There's nothing more calming than knowing that everything I need to do is down on paper. It means I can focus solely and today and right now, rather than what I need to do tomorrow or what I should* have done yesterday. I think for many people, the main source of exam stress isn't the exam itself, it's more the anxiety over whether we are revising enough. I'm sure at some point we've all been out doing something we usually enjoy, yet all we can think is "I should be revising right now". Of course, 24/7 revision is certainly not the answer, yet the guilt and pressure still remains.

As a self-confessed perfectionist, I've spent years trying to master the art of making a perfect revision timetable, and I dare say I think I've got pretty good at it. My main aim was always to rid myself of having to worry about any day other than the one I am living right now. Achieving this mind-set is so beneficial, and seems to free up a ton of space in your head for the stuff which is actually important! I'll warn you now, my method is a bit time-consuming, but its preciseness is exactly what makes it so effective. So without further ado, here is my step by step guide on creating a stress-relieving revision timetable:

1) For each subject, list every topic you need to revise on some scrap paper.

2) Split each of these broad topics up into very small chunks. You're aiming to end up with lots of different snippets to revise which would each take roughly 30mins. So for example, I am studying Biology, and one of the topics is synapses. I would split this into say, problems with synapses, action potentials and effects of drugs on synapses. Suddenly, instead of being faced with one big and overwhelming topic to revise, I have 3 quick, manageable ones. For any topic which you have no option but to spend more than 30mins on, such as an exam paper, just tally 3 next to it to show that it takes up three slots of 30mins rather than just one.

3) Make your timetable showing every day until the end of your exams. I like to do this on the computer, but it can be handmade if you prefer.

4) Write your exams into your timetable.

5) Block off in one colour every day you have something planned and know you will be unable to revise. It doesn't matter what it is; I block off entire weekends because I work on Saturdays and am normally hungover on Sundays. Being honest with yourself is the best way, and you don't have to revise every day.

6) Count up the number of days you have free.

7) Divide the number of small topics (30min slots) you have by the number of days you have established as free. Round up to the nearest whole number. This is how many of your small topics it would be useful to revise each day. For example if you have 97 topics and 30 days, that's 3.23, so round up to 4 per day.

8) Spread your small topics throughout your timetable. With the example I've just used (4 topics per day), you may choose to put two small 30 minute topics down for one day, as well as a one hour exam paper (which takes up the other two 30-minute slots).

9) Stick your timetable up and get started! You will by this point be so organised that there's no reason to worry about when you're going to fit anything in, because you have it all covered. Just get up every day and focus on what you have down for today, and nothing more.

10) Highlight or tick things off when they're done to give you a sense of achievement. If something comes up which means you don't finish everything one day, either just move on or fit it in somewhere else - it's no big deal! Life happens.

Good luck with you exams everyone!

*Click here to read my post dedicated to the use of the word 'should'.